Friday Carb Day

Friday! Carb Day!! I think it should be a holiday, even though most would consider my menu boring and bland. I get my steel cut oats as usual, then a cup of rice (twice), a rice cake and a sweet potato! I feel great today. I couldn't run a marathon but I still feel great comparatively speaking.

I had my photo shoot this morning and I think it went well. I saw some rough snaps off the camera and I know I will have a lot to choose from. I should have drafts in 2 weeks and I feel like a kid at Christmas! It will be a long wait!

I started blogging on Friday but didn't finish and now it's Sunday night. I'm posting this as is and will blog about the competition tomorrow.

9 hours to carbs!!! I'm coming for ya baby!

6am... are you effing kidding me? I really have to move right now?

6:15 ... I stumble going down the stairs to spin class (I don't fall) but it still makes me cry cuz I'm so effing depleted and hungry. I hate today.

8am... My spin class is so awesome. They really made me feel better and I left spin feeling equally depleted but in a better mood than when I got there.

12:30... home from posing practice. I wore the new pink suit instead of the blue one and it looks better (especially with the boob padding that I rigged into it). I will wear the pink for prejudging. The pictures look good. I am happy with the result of all this torture and I'm ready for Saturday.... I'm off for my wax, wish me luck! :-)

2:20...whew! Sure glad that is over. I have to say that it wasn't as painful as the first time I had it done but that rip is still a bitch. Thank goodness it's fast! So... I'm all clean and ready to sport that bikini! Well... I still have to wax my own legs and arms, but that is no huge deal no drama there. And Mike will have to shave my back tonight. That will be interesting.

At massage tonight I got a 2 hour massage.. the only thing that would have made it better would be to add Julie's home made rolls with a buffet of jellies, cheese, and various other toppings. Throw in some streets paved with gold and I am in heaven!

Recap~~ Workouts...check! Last posing practice...check! Pad the bra...check! Burn 3 copies of my routine song... check! Wax... check! Low carb week....almost check~~ 9 hour count down to carbs!!!

I want to give a shout out to Kate. She has been the best friend ever during this whole thing. She has worked out with me and pushed me, she has helped and encouraged me with the diet, she has brought me little gifts, she calls me frequently with encouraging words and has even offered to drive me around this week to keep me safe from hurting myself in my low carb mental status! She truly has been an understanding and solid shoulder to lean on. If you are every considering doing a body building competition, you need a trainer like Lisa, a husband like Mike and a great friend like Kate!

Where am I? and why do I have a pillow taped to my head?

What day is it today? and why is the front of my shirt wet?

Supposedly I taught a couple classes today (from the floor mostly). Kate taught kickboxing for me... thanks again, Kate > for the millionth time! Other than that, I pretty much sat at my desk in some kind of comatose state, obsessively checking facebook for entertainment. (not that entertaining) ... I was mildly entertained by the fact that I have continually spilled water down the front of my shirt all day. So I am officially retarded and should have a helmet on.. or a pillow taped around my head for protection. People that do the Atkins diet on their own accord are just fucking stupid, have no desire to exercise or be productive in any way.

Tomorrow should be interesting... I have one word for tomorrow's blog in advance.... "rrrrriiiippp". You do the math....

That's all I have to say.

No work, only play....

1am ~ I wake with a brilliant idea for my Thesis "101 Reasons Why the Body Needs Carbs"... Just kidding, I woke up to pee but I couldn't get back to sleep because I was too effing hungry. I felt nauseous and my muscles felt all funny like they wanted to stretch but didn't have the energy. I kept trying to find new positions to alleviate the problem but the more I tossed, the more my britches got twisted, as all my clothes are now 3 sizes too big for me. So then I had to wiggle around trying to untwist my jammies.... Of course I had all kinds of great blog lines in my head, but they are all gone now with all the rest of my thoughts....but trust me when I tell you that they were all very clever! I fell back asleep around 4 and felt hung over (again) when my alarm went off at 6.

I was still nauseous and my legs were noodles. I drank a ready to drink shake on my way to class, bumped my head on Mike's car door (he has a little car that I'm not so used to riding in... it could have happened anytime...really!) Then I tripped on my own feet (again) walking across the parking lot. I'd like to say there was an invisible curb there, but most adults don't believe in invisibility powers like me and Hunter do. Spin class was lame at best but I did what I could with my assigned cardio. My class is so sweet, they cheered me by talking about bringing me donuts on Tuesday morning. I told them that maple frosted ones are my favorite but anything glazed would do. I know it's just the delusions talking... or is it?

So although my mood was good, I shuffle my weak body back to my van and carefully and fearfully drove home. After my breakfast and sending the kids to school I drove to the community center for my upper body circuit and backed into the curb. It could have happened on any given day... I apparently was not in the vehicle at the time...no damage done to the van or the curb. Hence the fear of driving! Yesterday, Lisa commented "don't hurt yourself" and I giggled a little at that.

So posing practice is done and I'm home for the day until massage class tonight (which is going to suck rocks!). Since is windy and cloudy I'm going to spent the rest of the afternoon scrapbooking.... Because...

"No work, only play

Keeps me from thinking about food all day!!!"

Awesome sauce??

6:45am... have to pee... get up too fast and almost fall down. Thankful that my bathroom is only 2 steps from my bed cuz I could hold onto my night stand and then the wall, I literally plopped down onto the toilet. Whew! What a workout! ... Going back to bed

7:15am... do I smell dog fart? thanks for that, Dutchess! Stretch.... CRAMP<> CRAMP IN MY FOOT!!!!! Breath... breath... Get up, pee again, and notice that I have a red divot on the inside of each of my knees where they were pressed together, not moving for the last 30 minutes. My official weight is 121.0 .... I shrank 1.5 pounds yesterday.

I tripped on my own feet twice this morning while in process of making breakfast and rammed my knee into my desk when I scooted in to reach the keyboard. Maybe I'm still half asleep?.. speaking of which, I dreamed that I ate a cheezit off of some little kid's high-chair tray while waiting for my upcoming waxing appointment. Then when I went into the room it had 4 beds in it and a hot tub filled with people (a couple neighbors) and I was like... "Are you kidding me right now?... no WAY I'm have this 'procedure' done with all these people in here!!"

So after breakfast and pre workout snack, I felt pretty good for my workout and errands and when I got home I spent about 3 hours in the sun catching up on magazine reading. It was awesome! I even found a completely private spot and braved a thong tan. Lisa inspired that one! If she can do it so can I! But Mike came home early and scared the livin' daylights out of me! It would be pretty embarrassing to get caught in a thong by the neighbor, or mailman or the kids...whatever... But you know the next sunny day I'll be doing it again! So don't come peekin' over my fence.... sick-o's!

I felt pretty good today with 1500 calories until about 4:30 when I was just sitting down to eat dinner (Meal #4) and suddenly, I could just lay down and crash! Not good! I usually perk up at meal time regardless of how I'm feeling. So I took a 5 hour energy and headed to class. I was shaky by the time class started. I don't really like the way 5 hours make me feel (I've only had a couple since I've started training) so I only take them in desperate situations. I had a good class and sported a sports bra to spin for the first time. It was cool to see the class trying discretely not to stare. Hehehehe... It's more a body confidence thing, than an "I have awesome abs and want to show them off" thing. But I got plenty of "you look really great"s after class.... Thank you everyone! I wish my legs/glutes looked as good.

BUT.... In my carb depleted stupor, I locked my keys in my car! I called Mike to bring the spare key on his way to BJJ but he FORGOT! So ... "Mikey... you have some 'splaning to do!"... (But I still love you and forgive you... ) I got a ride home from a student :-)

When I got home I got the best snack EVER!! Rice cake with BNPB AND strawberry jelly(sugar free, fiber added)! O!M!G! Seriously!... A little bit of heaven!

ps.... Kaelyn wants me to tell Lisa that when she was born, the Dr. dipped her in awesome sauce and that's why she is so muchie..

((In case you are a movie retard... In Alice and Wonderland, when the Mad Hatter sees Alice for the first time he says, "You used to be much....muchier" It's my favorite line! And Lisa is the MUCHIEST! )) Jason.... I apologize for the side affects of all the "Lisa worshipping"... You will have to find your own way to deflate her 'muchie' growing ego due to all my goddess talk!

Day 1 of last week ... 1050 calories

Today started out with me waking up at 6:30. Unfortunately, this early rising thing has been happening to me quite frequently, and as I have never been a morning person, I have to wonder.. am I getting old or just hungry? Plus I had to pee... again... So after 15 minutes of trying to go back to sleep, I got up. But it was WAY too early to eat (even tho I was hungry), so I put in another load of laundry (which I didn't finish yesterday), and when I realized that Hunter was up, I cleaned his room, refolded all his clothes and went thru his closet and toys for yard sale stuff. Then.. laundry load #2. It's getting to be almost 9am and I can't wait to eat any longer. Mmmm... breakfast is the BOMB!! My carbs for the day, steel cut oats and muscle milk. I chose cookie dough flavor because I dreamed about cookies... again. Aaahhhh,... sweet delicious cookies with your heavenly carbs and sugar..... *sigh....

Anyhoo... after breakfast, I'm feeling normal so I fold another load of laundry with 2 more in line, call a local photographer to schedule a photo shoot on Friday morning, and then I go out to run errands. I stopped at GNC cuz Kate said there was some stuff on clearance that I eat, but it was picked over. Then to Target (to pee) and for chocolate chip pure protein bars and of course I HAD to buy a new pair of black workout pants for my photo shoot. You know... I HAD to! And my obsession with baskets reared it's ugly head and one just jumped right into my cart! I didn't want to waste any precious energy putting it back so it came home with me. Then to the commissary but first a quick peek in the PX (to pee again) and to see if they had any 7 slims jeans for Hunter... (they didn't). Home with the groceries, eat meal #2 and head to Lisa's for posing practice. More like "Keep the Ego in Check, Round 2" session... Mossy, you are amazing! Seriously!... She has to be 100 pounds with rocks in her pockets and she is huge! But I tweak my form every time I see myself on camera/pictures so it's good for me.

I still feel pretty good when I get home, and it's a beautiful day so after folding the last of the laundry, I can justify that I have done enough to call myself a productive and effective mother and wife, and I crawl up on the trampoline for the next 3 hours. Aaahhhh... the life! And I even used sunscreen at my son's concerned request. Bless his heart... he loves his mama!

But now... finally... the day is catching up and it's about all I can do to hold my hands up to the keyboard. I have 24 more ounces of water to drink to reach my 1.5 gallon goal. That's a lot of water, I tell ya! I'm just going to chug the last bottle and be done with it. I already have a 6 pound water baby anyway.

By the way.. this is what 2 oz of chicken looks like.... It's not a meal... it's not even a snack... it's just a tease! But of course it's not a carb so who really cares? BTW... after 5 minutes of cooking said chicken, I realized that I had the wrong burner on! DUH!...

You know you are carb depleted when....

You know you are carb depleted when....

*you realize after 5 minutes of cooking your chicken that you have turned on the wrong burner

*You find yourself gazing into space thinking of nothing for who knows how long?

*You are afraid to drive

*You have to pee every 15 minutes because of all the extra water you have to drink

*A rice cake is the highlight of your week

*You keep tripping on your own feet

*lock your keys in your car

*continually spill water down the front of your shirt

*you cry about the dumbest stuff

*you are so low energy that you don't even want to eat..(at least not if it's chicken)

No internet for a week.... but finally an update!

I've been trying to blog all week but I have not had a good internet connection so I'm sorry about that. I've had a good week this week. I've had some great work outs and not so great workouts but I have not cheated on the diet at all. It feels good to my well being to be able to be strong although I have to admit that I am still tempted! It is only because of the closeness of the competition that is keeping me "sinless". Well, whatever works, right?

I got my diet for the last week. I get 1050 calories tomorrow but 1500 and 1300 on Mon/Tuesday and I know I can handle those numbers and still function normally. Then Wed, Thurs are back down to 1050. The extra low carb thing is a little scary but I can do anything for 5 days, and at least I have Lisa, Jason and Eileen to share my misery. :-)

Today I went to Lisa's to practice posing with Lisa and Eileen. All of us posed together while Jason video taped. I was pretty apprehensive to stand in comparison with them. They are both so awesome! Skinny butts and wide backs, big 'ol biceps! I'm eternally jealous! But I have to keep in mind that I've been training only 3.5 months and had LOTS more weight to lose! Amazingly enough I was not too disappointed in the size of my ass in comparison if only I was wider on the top now... Of course as women, we are never happy with what we have, right? It all will depend on who my competition is. I have little bouts of nervousness but right now I'm just trying to survive the diet! I have a couple of new foods I get to try this week and 2 new flavors to Muscle Milk to try. Looking forward to the blueberry especially! I really miss fruit.

On Monday this week I weighed in at 124.0, since Wednesday I've weighed in at 122.4. Often by Monday I've put back on .5 pound or so. We'll see what happens.

Today while I layed out on the trampoline I made a menu for the 2 weeks after the show. My parents will be here on Friday for the weekend. After the show... major gorge... then on Sunday, we are staying in San Francisco to tour Alcatraz, so of course we will have to eat out breakfast and lunch, and then for dinner I am making Mexican Fiesta Pizza. Reduced fat crescent rolls for crust with taco seasoned turkey burger veggies and low fat sour cream. I think it's a pretty good choice as far as low fat dinners go. Then I decided that since I was on the trampoline, all happy and warm in the sun, that I would plan my menu for the 2 weeks after the show. I'm going to cook on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday nights for those 2 weeks... trust me, the menu looks DELICIOUS!! I will eat small and controlled portions with my family on those nights and other than that I will continue the diet. Here is a concern.... A friend and loyal spin class member wants to do a "restricted dessert" party for me after spin class on Wednesday night the 5th, and my neighbors want to throw me a party/BBQ the weekend after the show. With such a smorgasbord of delicious restricted food at my disposal, I don't know if I will be able to 'nibble' just a bit. I will have to try.

Well, I know this is not a witty and entertaining blog. ... Just the facts, ma'am. So the least I could do is add a picture. This was taken after Friday's leg workout. It was FREEZING!! ... hence the hugging... but we would have done that anyway. :-) I have the best training in the world! Thanks Lisa for all you do!

Almost to single digit count down!!

Well, it's Tuesday night and I'm hungry. I am always excited about Wednesday's hi calorie! I've also discovered sugar free mints! My new best friends to mix in the the gum habit. But the mints give me a little crunch like candy and makes me feel like I'm having a little cheat.. but I'm not! But then I have to have gum so I don't eat a whole box of mints at once.

Time is flying by and I'm getting crazy excited to complete this journey. Mostly for food related reasons.... well... if I can be real... It's ALL for food related reasons! But just think with me.... Tomorrow is high calorie, the week goes down from there so by the time I get to the tough days I'll be looking down the barrel of 7 days to go. That also means 4 days of carb depletion and that really scares me a lot, if I can be honest. But I think I can manage it for 3 days and the afternoon of the 4th I get to start back on the carbs. Something VERY exciting to look forward too!

PLUS! ... Lisa and I get to split a gallon of Moscato on pre competition night! Something about extreme drunkenness will make me less nervous?? Well, that's what I heard anyway. The bottle is chillin'! (ok... so I only get one glass, but I can dream, right?)

You ready?... You ready?.... LET'S GET IT ON!!!

**sigh** where did the weekend go? I meant to blog earlier but just .... didn't.

Friday's "movies in review" blog was all about Lisa...why? Because I had too much time to think about stupid stuff like that while she had me doing 560 walking lunges with a 10 pound vest on. I knew what was coming and I was not afraid. I do lunges all the time and often in high rep numbers (although never THAT many)! The vest was a surprise though. My legs definitely got tired and wobbly by the end of the work out, and I was sure that I would be super sore... which... I was going to blog about this weekend. Well, I didn't really get that sore (even tho Lisa tried to poke my quads on Saturday to make me cry.... meanie! :-) So I wasn't very motivated to blog.

On Saturday I had my first fight with Mike that was body building related. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't air dirty laundry and Mike and I rarely fight. We have a very respecting and loving relationship and always try to treat each other like the best friends that we are. Basically, Mike snuck some jelly beans, I commented on the cheat, he reminded me that I ate 1/3 of a slice of apple pie just recently, and I got mad. It was a fair thing for him to say. Just because he is not doing the competition, doesn't mean that he is not trying to stick to the diet. Anyway, a 24 hour silent treatment ensued. After our lines of communication opened back up, Mike told me that I really didn't talk much about how I have been feeling daily, so he had no idea how that comment (meant to be a joke) was going to hurt my feelings. And I told him that I didn't want to be whiny and complaining all the time about being hungry, depleted and lethargic. (...."Second verse, same as the first!".... cuz this is the story of my life for the last month at least and will continue for the next 12 days... yes 12 days ~not that I'm counting) And any food related joke will not be funny to me. Anyway, hugs/kisses, everything is better and now I have license to complain... (if I can find the energy to open my mouth...unless it's to eat, then it's no problem)

So 24 hours of my weekend was ruined by a high tensioned household. Not really in the mood to blog when I'm mad (unless it's training related...then it makes for GREAT blogging!) And of course I took advantage of as much sun as possible taking way from blogging time and I went to my daughters musical and had 2 social events on Sunday. I have to say that one of said events had an awesome spread of food. Finger sandwiches on croissants, plates and plates of fresh fruit, little cinnamon rolls, cheezits, M&Ms, and various cookies...and wine. Excuse me.... **tear** sniffle** tear**... sigh.... Even though I dreamed, and smelled and imagined how everything must taste, I did NOT eat a single thing! I even brought a variety of sandwiches and fruit home and 3 cookies for the kids... alone in the car... by myself... no one looking... with said food, and didn't touch anything! I was exceedingly proud of myself! I think I would have caved if it wasn't getting so close to competition time. Thoughts like, "Really, how much damage will this little sandwich do?" "The sugar from this fruit will probably just run right thru me" "I can always exercise a little tonight to burn it off"... "Shut up, stupid brain, before I stab you with a tooth pick!!".... and there you have it... DONE!

So how am I feeling? Hungry! Mondays and Tuesdays suck rocks. I used to dread Wednesdays because of my 3 classes to teach, but now it's my favorite day! Here are some facts about my life.... (workouts and calories)

M-lift upper body, HIIT, teach spin, 1257

T-Teach spin, lift lowerbody, posing practice, 1272

W- teach muscle class, kickboxing and spin, 1722

TH-teach spin, lift upper body, HIIT, posing practice, 1377

F-lift legs, 1541

S and S..rest, 1361 and 1282

I'm starting to have a list of things to do that is about 5 feet long (blogging I can soon cross off). I'm glad that today is overcast so I can get some work done and not be tempted to lay out. Although I have to say that the sun makes me warm and happy and I can pass a lot of time without temptation, hunger, anxiety, stress, (whatever) when I'm out on the trampoline with a book, or a nap. I know inside, that as a mom and wife, I should be doing other stuff, but I also know that my husband and family would agree "better a happy mom than a busy and mentally unstable crazy person" at this stage in the game.... they can handle it for 12 more days as long as I can keep from crying, yelling or falling into a catatonic state.

Zombies, Mommies and Baby Flab...

Did you hear about the new movie coming out? It's called "My Trainer Must Be Crazy" Starring Lisa Brightman as the crazy trainer that is pursuing a career move to FL from CA but before she leaves she is determined to bring her final client to certain crippledness in an effort to have her ready for her first body building competition in only 3 months of training. Co-starring Rachelle Sian, new comer to the scene, dowdy mother of 3 who struggles with her sweet cheats and busy schedule. Will she survive the brutal workouts and verbal abuse of the relentless trainer? You'll have to watch and see! Sian is also working on her second movie, "Rachelle of the Dead" where she battles zombies that are after Brightman for putting them in their early graves.

You may have also seen Brightman in her award winning performances in "27 Workouts", where Brightman plays a lonely trainer that has 27 clients who all want to lose weight after having their first babies. This hilarious comedy shows our hero coming to terms with her own 'lack of' mothering skills as she comes into frequent contact with her clients' children while bringing mommies back to their previous physical glory. You don't want to miss the unexpected ending in this (literally) gut busting comedy.

The less known 80s budget film that introduced Brightman to the acting scene was the female version of "Best of the Best". Co-starring with Julia Roberts' brother... what's his name again?, this vein popping hero trains Brightman to fight in the ultimate vengeance fight. She also played a small role in the Broadway hit "Hair".

More currently, our talented A-lister sweetheart has recently tried her hand at directing such flicks as "Cats and Dogs" Starring lovers Flexie and Dutchess who have to combat the evil cat Cozmo. And the upcoming horror film "Quadzilla" Starring herself as the maniac quadzilla monster who battles the entire country of Fattamia and her arch nemesis Baby Flab.

This multi-talented real life trainer is not afraid to take on any project. She will be one to watch. It has been written in more established tabloids such as "Buns and Thighs" that our girl has been spotted practicing walking in 3 inch clear healed stilettos in an effort to not fall flat on her next walk on the red carpet at her opening night of "Revenge of Rambina".

"Cookie dough... you ain't nuthin!"

A few big successes today.

#1. I did my first empty stomach spin class this morning. It felt fine. I really hardly noticed the lack of calories, although I got a little burned out at the end but that could be because by Thursday my legs are pretty toasted anyway. I'll tell you what though... by the end of class I was HHUUUUNGRY!! I ate breakfast, sent Hunter off to school, was at the gym at 8 for my lift and HIIT on the treadmill. Have I told you lately that I hate running? yeah...

#2. I successfully transfered cookie dough from a "too big" container to a "just right" baggie to put in the freezer, WITHOUT even a LICK of the spoon! IT CAN BE DONE!!! On top of that... I haven't as much as licked a BNPB spoon either! Yep... today... I'm the BOMB!!!

BRING IT ON!!

Sometimes you feel like a nut....

I was thinking today that sometimes I'm strong and sometimes I'm not... which brought me to that old Almond Joy commercial "Sometimes you feel like a nut... sometimes you don't... Almond Joys got nuts, Mounds don't..because... sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't!"

(Good luck getting that tune out of your head for the rest of the day!)

I have long determined that I would make a horrible criminal! I would commit my crime and run straight to the police station to confess. I'm also a bad liar, so why even bother. It's one thing that keeps my on the straight and narrow in life. So today I had my first "sweet cheat" since January. I was being an idiot! Not hungry, feeling great, not at all tempted. So I decided to clean out the fridge a little bit to determine what I needed to be thinking about for near future dinners. Hmmm... the last piece of apple pie from Easter weekend. "I should put this in the freezer. ... I wonder if it's even still good?" Off comes the cover, sniff... smells good. Maybe just a TEENY taste before I put it in the freezer "I don't want to freeze sour pie!". Three bites later, I somehow willed myself to throw the rest of the damn thing in the garbage. I could have EASILY eaten the whole piece and probably justified it somehow. Ugh! It was so good... ridiculous! I haven't craved sweets too much since the diet but,... dang.... Well, moving on with life...

That tasty sin occurred mid afternoon-ish, (before my last spin class of the day) sooooo... I kicked my own butt in class as punishment and hoped that I would burn enough extra calories with my super hard push to not have to suffer the consequences. It's awfully close to competition to be cheating at this point. And in general, that thought alone is enough to deter the cheats (unless it's BNPB... that happens)

With that exception, I felt GREAT today! High energy, great classes (all 3 were awesome) Lots of sweat and fun was had by all. (well, me anyway... I did hear some grunting and moaning throughout all 3 classes but that just means it's good)

Today was SICK!...

1am - 5am ~~ I wake up to pee and can't go back to sleep. I'm starving! My throat feels like sand paper! I feel like a rotisserie chicken rolling and rolling then I get to thinking... mmmm... warm chicken sandwich with a glass of cold milk would put me right to sleep. I almost got up to write in my blog (I had a couple of paragraphs written in my head but there were a lot of swear words in it at that time) But I knew that if I came downstairs I would eat... so I stayed in bed.

5:55 alarm goes off for spin class. I had fallen asleep finally so now I feel drugged. When I got up I could hardly hold myself up I was completely depleted. Sorry... there is NO WAY I'm doing the empty stomach workout today. So I ate my protein bar and trudged off to class

7:15 I lived thru spin and had a pretty good workout. Got home and had 1/2 of my breakfast, got Hunter to school, left to train my client, went to the commissary, took the dog to Petco for a nail clip, came home, put the groceries away, killed some ants

9:45 on my way to Lisa's for posing practice. All goes well... a little tweak to the rear biceps and rear lat spread that will help my butt to look smaller. Pictures again on Thursday. I wouldn't let Lisa take pics today cuz I was makeup-less and on 3 hours of sleep. I'm starving!

11:15 on the way home to EAT! I check my phone, message from another NPS instructor wants me to sub for her spin class at noon. Ummm... why not?

11:30 eat the other half of my breakfast (more like scarf the other half of my breakfast) call Lisa to tell her I'm crazy and beg her for more calories. Duh... of course. YEAH! After a rice cake with BNPB and 1/2 of a Detour bar (about 250 calories) I am pumped back up and ready to spin

12 - 1 Spin class

1:15 home eat the other half of my detour bar, quick shower, lay out on the trampoline for awhile and try to nap... no luck with the nap. But the warm sun and closed eye rejuvenates me and makes me happy.

3:30 clothes changed, snack made - actually 2 snacks at one time..SWEET (tuna on a sandwich thin and 1/2 MetRex pack) and dinner prepared in advance

4:10 off to Muscle Power Flex class for my last work out... lower body. Ugh! My poor legs! But I feel great with my surge of calories. It wasn't my hardest class but good none the less.

5:30 out the door on the way home to eat. Mike cooked up my food for me so I could bring it with me to massage class

5:45 with food in hand, drive to class

6:15 Massage teacher not feeling well, and dismisses class early! THANK YOU JESUS!!

7pm... blogging... going to sit on my butt for a couple of straight hours and then going to bed early!!!!

85 in, 600 out? How's that workin' out for ya?

I know it's weird to write twice in one day, but I wanted to post something. As you know, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday are low cal days and it's pretty tough to get moving by the afternoon. Today I had eaten my 3rd of 5 snacks, (a protein bar) after my workout at about 1:00. I knew I'd have to wait until about 4:45 to eat my next snack to get me through 5:30 spin class. My 4th snack is 1 rice cake with 1 T. of BNPB (85 whole calories). Although I look forward to anything peanut butter, I knew that 1 cake is never enough. But somehow, it usually gets me through class. So I ate my rice cake and as an added precaution I had a 5 hour energy shot. At 5:00 I thought, there is no way that I'm going to have the energy to work hard in class. I could hardly lift my arms up to drink the shot!

I'm driving to class and I can literally feel the calories and/or 5 hour energy kicking in and by the time I get to class (about 5 minutes...not kidding) I am practically skipping into the building. And I have to say, class was BRUTAL! Even by my standards... it was a tough class. Fast paced throughout with only one hill climb. I was kicking ass and taking names baby! At 6:00 almost exactly, I started to feel the energy leave my body about as fast as it came while I was driving to class. Oh Oh! I was fading FAST! The last song I had them do hovers from all 3 positions (glutes back, center, glutes forward) moving directly from one the next without coming up. My legs were literally shaking and so were my arms. It was complete mental will to keep going. I was almost in tears and felt the early signs of hyperventilation. But I knew I could push for 2 more minutes, knowing it was the last song. I had to be very careful getting off the bike so that my legs wouldn't buckle and hung onto the bike all through stretches. From class I had to pick up Hunter from BJJ class and then to pick up Kaelyn from play practice so I didn't get to eat until 7:30. I was nauseous by the time I got to my plate and scarfed it down like an Ethiopian!

Lesson: Don't trust your 85 calorie snack to get you all the way through a 600+ calorie workout!

So tomorrow I get to try my first "empty stomach" workout for 6am spin. Giggle** yeah... we'll see how that goes! I've NEVER done spin without at least my 120-180 calorie protein bar.

WISH ME LUCK!

Just what I needed!

Today, out of the blue, my awesome friend Kate drops by my house with a present. Four little boxes wrapped in athletic ad paper (carefully chosen so there were no food ads) with a little note in each. Four awesome packs of gum! And can you even believe that I did not have any of those 4 flavors? I literally have 10 packs of gum in my desk drawer, 2 in my purse and 2 in my bedroom and Kate brought me 4 flavors that I don't have! AmAzInG!! My friend Kate is that person that knows just when to pick me up, encourage me, send me a little message, or bring me some food (prior to the diet of course!) and I adore her to pieces! With friends like Kate, a husband like Mike and a trainer like Lisa... how can I not kick some ass at my very first competition!? Seriously!... you guys are the muchiest people in the world!

I LOVE YOU!

MIke is smokin' crack...

Today Mike informed me that he is going to do my diet with me for the next 3 weeks to show his support and help me combat my nightly cravings. I think he should share whatever he has been smoking. Here is the good thing for me..... If Mike eats meat and veg every night for dinner,then I don't have to cook delicious meals for the family. Tianna will be gone all of next week at science camp, Kaelyn has musical rehearsal until 7 for the rest of the month, so I only have to feed Hunter this week. Tianna can throw in pizza and my kids love to have cereal for dinner! SCORE! Of course Mike will not have to feel the difficulty of the 5 o'clock temptation... but this isn't about him, it's about me... so the bottom line is... I don't have to cook (essentially) for the next 3 weeks! Mike can cook on the weekends and that will feed the family all week! And if Mike snitches... well... who really cares? He doesn't have to put on a speedo and parade around under a spot light! This will make my life so much easier!! I already have less stress because of the very thought! THANKS HONEY! I LOVE YOU!!

3 weeks out pic of the back

I'm posting a picture of my back at my last posing session Tuesday as encouragement to myself to stay focused. My family and a couple of friends are watching the UFC fight on PPV tonight and one of my friends brought baked cheetos. ... My all time favorite crunchy snack. So here I sit trying to keep my mind focused. 21 days to the competition and I have to keep from snitching. If I was to snitch even one cheeto I know it would be like a fat kid with twinkies under her pillow at fat camp up in here. I'll work on finishing up bedazzling my posing suit. I just heard from the competition coordinator that ALL competitors will perform their routines at the night show. So all is not lost with the suit.

Bedazzle me!!!

Today was a great day. I LOVE Wednesdays cuz I get the most calories. I felt normal all day, not hungry or low energy and I worked hard in all my classes. I still took a nap though! I've taken a nap every day this week. I'm just glad that I CAN take a nap when I need one especially since Mike and Hunter had both been sick for over a week.

Did I tell you that I got my competition suit in? It's red and pretty and I started to glue embellishments on it so it sparkles like Malibu Barbie on Prom night. But then I realized that right there on the natural body building website that the pre-judging suit must be a solid color with no embellishments! Damn! If I don't make the top 5 to get into the night show, I'll have bought a $160 suit plus $25 of crystals for no reason at all. It's not like I can walk the beach with that thing on! Geez!... can you imagine? Only if I was Pamela Anderson before the gigantic boob job....then maybe I'd strut the beach in a crystal embedded tiny two piece. Anyway, I'm glad that I have my practice suit to wear even though it is not shiny. It will do, and I'm used to being in it.

So for any of you who might be inspired to do a competition, (hehehe... well you never know!) Check the rules thoroughly before essentially ruining an expensive "one time wear" posing suit. But on the off chance that I make it to the night show, just look out your window to the North at about 8pm and you may see my sparkles all the way from Oakland! Yippy!

Brain cells come and go, but fat cells live forever!

Well, I think that today definitely made up for yesterday. The last 4 weeks is going to be no kidding around. Today I already felt the wrath of the "4 weeks out" diet. I felt totally depleted all afternoon. I ate meal 1 at about 7:30, pre workout snack at 9:30 the post workout snack at about 12:30 which was a protein bar. That 180 calories had to carry my until 4:45 to fuel for my spin class... 1 rice cake with BNPB and 45 calories worth of protein drink mix. I felt like I could hardly move all day. Everything seemed to take max effort. And walking into spin class was like the Green Mile. Amazingly, (as what usually happens), my BNPB calories kicked in about 10 minutes into class and I made it thru with surprising energy. In the end it was a pretty sweaty class although it was a challenge and I had to tension back on one song where we did a fast standing climb but otherwise I was able to push myself pretty well. "Push up" turd came to class tonight and tried to talk to me but I pretended that I didn't hear him ( I didn't actually hear him but I know he said something to me because there was no one else around him) I swear if he would have said a single 'peep' during push ups that I would have claimed the "carb depleted mad woman" card and kicked his ass in front of everyone! But he was smart and kept his mouth shut. I have to admit that I was pretty wobbly walking to my car after class though and was as desperate as one can be to get home and eat.

Dinner was AWESOME. Stir fried shrimp and chicken with mixed peppers and some asparagus. Mmmmm.... mmmmm... good! But already I am thinking about breakfast.

BTW... I was 126.6 on the scale this morning. The same weight as I've been all week, which is .2 pounds lost from last week. My sins from yesterday might still show up on the scale midweek but I'm trying to combat the sodium with extra water. I've had to pee about a million times today! Actually... speaking of ....

I don't want to talk about it...

I do not want to write this blog. But I told myself that I would be honest in my blog as a way to help to keep me accountable. So far it's worked out pretty well. I don't want to tell you that I've skipped a workout, or cheated on my diet, or played hooky to watch HDTV... so I haven't done those things. Unfortunately, today was not such a good day. Happy Easter by the way.... It started out great! Full of the grace of God, doing the Easter Bunny thing, taking pictures, getting ready for church, starting lunch/dinner prep. Let me just throw down the menu for you. Appetizer for Mike... his favorite cheese ball. (Cream cheese, green onion, chopped dried beef, accent and Worcestershire... yummy! Mike and I could eat this up together, easy!) Of course, deviled eggs, potato salad (my mom's awesome home made recipe, not the store bought stuff... mine had bacon in it... need I say more?) Pineapple ham and last but not least, home made buns. These I made for the very first time today. So why would a bread addict decide to make home made buns 4 weeks out from competition? I don't know! I'm crazy! I thought I could be strong! We had company and I wanted to impress! I didn't think they would turn out!... I mean come on!... you know how your grandparents used to cook. A dash of this, some of that, "beat the hell out of it".."kneed it til it farts"... enough flour until it feels right... so honestly, my hopes were really not that high for a first try.

I got the dough rising before we left for church and all was going well. After the veggies were chopped for the potato salad (onion, celery, radish) I set some aside to make my own separate salad. I put about 5 little chunks of potatoes, my 5 egg whites, added a little mustard, low fat mayo and a little relish for taste. (I don't put relish in my potato salad otherwise). Sounds harmless right? Then I used my la

st 2 whole eggs and made myself 4 deviled eggs with a little low fat mayo, mustard and relish (I got 5 egg whites and 2 whole eggs for snack on today's diet menu) Still not too bad. Probably about 1/2 of a tablespoon more mayo than was on my diet menu. The potato salad is another one of those old family recipes that you "make to taste" and I've only made it a couple of times, so of course I had to taste... this was where the snowball started. The Accent, Lawery's, the REAL Miracle Whip.... Lord have mercy it was like a party in my mouth. Two big bites, put it in the fridge, have a piece of gum. A similar situation with the deviled eggs but less of a 'big bite" and more of a "little lick".... more gum. The Cheeseball was ridiculous... 2 ritz crackers with dip..to taste, of course. Damn good.... more gum.

By this time the buns are the only thing left. So far they looked right, here's to hoping! When they came out of the oven it wa

s like my mom had snuck in and made them herself. They smelled so good, I had to take a bite to make sure I wasn't dreaming! Mmmmm... yep! Just like mom used to make. Can't let the family see that I took a bite, so I ate the whole thing. (It was small) Ok... one more... more gum. Company shows up, time to eat. All is ok, I have my 2 deviled eggs, my (not nearly as yummy but still on my plate) potato salad, some turkey and shrimp. And it's before 7pm! Whew! At least I have that going for me.

The family is eating and enjoying. I mostly am noticing the buns. I'm dreaming about the buns. My mouth is watering for the buns. I have to have a bun. I premeditated on my bun cheat. "I'll wait until I can take a couple of plates into the kitchen and I'll sneak one while I 'clean up'." Two buns, 2 cheese crackers and one big bite of salad off my son's plate, later and I was nearly in tears, going up stairs to brush my teeth and attempt to get the yummy, salty, bacon-y, bun-tastic taste out of mouth so I could make the whole thing stop! I stayed out of the kitchen after that. I put the remaining buns in the freezer and what didn't fit in the bag, I sent home with Billy, along with the rest of the cheeseball.

I really don't want to get on the scale tomorrow. I feel ridiculous. I'm not strong at all. Even if I could start the day over, I know I would still cheat. I probably wouldn't have baked the buns, if I could redo the day, but I'd still have cheated. It's not even the chocolate or apple pie that I want. It's the salt, the bread, the bacon.... and a glass of wine.

So I don't want to talk about today. This is my one and only confession. I'm not going to bring it up to Lisa, I'm just going to work extra hard in the gym this week. She will read my confession anyway, and I know what she would say so, Lisa, you don't have to say it. I don't think this is funny and I'm not laughing about it. If it weren't for company I probably would have gotten my bike out and rode hard for an hour. But now I'm going to go to bed dreading the scale tomorrow. Maybe I'll forget to weigh myself and just do it on Wednesday.

Ugh... today sucked. I hate dieting on holidays!

I don't need anger management, I just need you to stop pissing me off!

I didn't get a chance to write my blog yesterday but I had some stories to tell you. First, in my spin class I worked hard and after class did 20 pushups. ((This week I started 'assigning' 20 pushups after every spin class...I max out personally)) So I was doing my pushups and this dude, who comes sporadically (fat guy of course) starts barking at me like a drill sergeant to get my belly to the ground! I was all like... WTH are you talking about? My pushups are perfect form, 90 degree arm bend, flat shoulders and back, on my toes not knees. He keeps saying "belly to the ground", and I keep saying..."what are you talking about? my form is perfect!" He says... (get this)... "Those are girl pushups". I told him to shut up .. (with a smile of course) but I think my regulars felt my annoyance. Of course I asked him to show me what he considered "perfect form" but he couldn't because of his 'double wrist injury'. Surprise. I was pretty mad about that for a couple of hours after class but got over it after I vented and laughed about it to Mike and Lisa. The thing that made me mad was that he was trying to call me out in front of my class in a way that I didn't at all appreciate. I can take correction and criticism from appropriate sources but I do not like to be barked at like a drill sergeant. I am not in basic training.

Two hours later, I was at Lisa's for my first of 3 hours of workout. We laughed about "drill sergeant douche bag". After the workout, we both had our snack... her, a PB rice cake and I a shake. I had to put the shake in my water bottle. I added a little extra water and my bottle has a pretty big mouth (I've drank shakes from it before) but my shake was too thick to come out so I was holding it over my open mouth with nothing happening. Lisa thought this was pretty funny and I mentioned that it reminded me of when DQ blizzards first came out and they used to hand them over the counter to you upside down... remember that? My very first job was working at Dairy Queen when I was 15. Anyway, then Lisa threatened me not to talk about ice cream (she is also contest prep dieting and longs for hot fudge sundays like I long for ... well,... just about everything!) Perhaps you had to be there, but for whatever reason, we thought this whole conversation was hilarious and I "laughed my abs off" standing right there in her kitchen.

Next hour was posing and I already knew I would have "shake belly" (if you recall this happened a couple weeks ago when I drank my shake right before posing practice.) Toward the end I showed Lisa my "Do I look different from the side?" pose. Trust me when I say that I have some skill when it comes to sticking out my tummy. This may have really frightened her, because now it was her turn to laugh her abs off! Too bad there isn't a "5 months pregnant" contest category cuz I would totally take first!! Suffice it to say it was a fun couple of hours and a good workout to boot. After that I decided to do my HIIT at NPS since Lisa had errands to run before picking up the gang at DLI. I had a great HIIT even on my own and was home at 12:30.

That night for dinner, I made shrimp linguine. Whole wheat pasta, shrimp, a can of diced tomatoes, garlic, oregano and a little red pepper and feta cheese. After checking all of the ingredients (including sodium) I thought that I might be able to sub out this meal for my last 2 meals on my diet menu. (minus the cheese of course) But just to be sure I texted Lisa with the ingredients and asked her opinion. This is how the conversation went...

Me: "Can I... " blah blah blah...

Lisa: One month out today...what do you think?

Lisa: ...No!!

Lisa:... Hell no!

Me: No fair!

Me: You're mean!

Lisa: I know

Lisa: Suck it!

Me: Hot fudge sunday

Me: How do you like me now?

Lisa: Double suck it!

Me: I'm pouting.

Lisa: Wasted energy, use it to practice your routine.

Me: Yes ma'am

Spoken like a true trainer! Loves to Lisa who can totally yell at me and have me begging for more and thanking her for it.... unlike douche bag, "belly down" push up guy who doesn't know s**t and just pissed me off. So Lisa, thanks for the laughs and the spanking yesterday! (How often can you hear those words in the same sentence!) I would be a fat mess without you, cheating and justifying on a daily basis and then wondering why I'm not losing any weight!

Anyway, a great day yesterday and I suspect another today. I woke up at 6:30 this morning from a weird food dream (a regular occurrence) and was too hungry to go back to sleep.