Vices and Strengths... What are yours?

One of my facebook friends just posted this....

"If you were to choose your worst vice and your best strength, what would they be?"

I was going to respond... easy... but, then... not so easy! DISCUSS!

Vices... there are so many that if I listed them all, you would think I was either crazy or had the lowest self esteem on the planet! My biggest one??... I'd have to say that concerning food, it'd have to be peanut butter (sweets in general... carbs in general... but I always come back to peanut butter). Concerning my life? my tendency is to be lazy, I'm not a very good cook or housekeeper (neither of which I like much). Scholastically? I have a bad memory for facts and I'm a horable spellr. Personally? I'm pretty hard on myself.

Strengths?.. This is tougher than I thought it would be.

Sometimes I really wonder about my choice of profession. I look at my peers in the sport and I see how hard they work and how hard they push and I wonder... do I push that hard? I don't really think I do. I lift as heavy as I can... but do I REALLY push myself?? I teach 2 classes a week for cardio and I have to say that I push myself in those classes, but when I'm not teaching? I'm totally lazy. I've always said that I only teach to get my own cardio in! I'm really being honest when I say that! Although I really do like to teach WHEN my class responds to me. I'm a pretty fun and upbeat instructor but when my class feels like dead weight, then I feel like dead weight and I can't wait for the hour to be over. Fortunately, I have a big Turbo Kick class and spin is usually fun regardless because I choose awesome music, so if nothing else, at least I get to hear great tunes and burn some calories at the same time. So I guess you could say that one of my strengths is that I'm a good instructor but only when the circumstances are right. Hmmm...

I'm not really very disciplined..... I'm not really very motivated.... (enough to get me to the gym and thru my workout but nothing really beyond that)

When I'm on vacation, for example, I always have good intentions to workout but don't do nearly the workouts that I plan to. If I was more motivated and disciplined, then no one would be able to HOLD ME BACK from working out. This is not the case.

I have a tendency to be selfish with my time (I RARELY volunteer), I have a potty mouth when I get away from church, and when I'm around certain "potty mouth" friends. And I'm particularly potty when I'm tired, dieting, or just plain.. DONE.

I'm not very patient with people who are stupid and annoying.... Like weight droppers, head phone singers, and extra loud noise makers.

I get jealous of others who are leaner then me (that's a lot of people) but they also work harder to be that way, and I choose to NOT work that hard.

I do love my kids and my husband. But I'm far from being the perfect wife and mother.

I think I'm a very good massage therapist, but I'm still young in the profession and feel like there is so much that I don't know. Instinctually tho, I'm very good.

I care about others, but I'm no Mother Teresa (please refer to the "I'm selfish" part)

So what are my strengths?

In my eyes I'm just a jack of all trades, master of none. I'm good at lots of stuff, but not really EXCELLENT at anything. Am I really being that hard on myself? I know that the average person doesn't spend nearly the time in the gym that I do, but compared to other athletes/instructors/trainers, I'm average or below average. Compared to the average person, I eat a pretty healthy diet, but compared to my athletic peers I still have SO MANY food vices and bad habits.

I guess I haven't figured out what my strengths are yet. What are yours?

Show Day May 21, 2011

Ok OK... I figured I better get blogging right away so all my friends can hear the details of the show so I can move on with life and put this show and training season behind me and move forward into my new training cycle.

I don't have to go back and talk about the anxiety that I had going into the show. It's old news that I didn't meet my goals and felt like I still had way too much body fat to compete. No need to recap those feelings. With that said, I'm going to make a short statement so some of you can log off and get back to what you were doing. I did not place. I was way out of my league and although my upper body may have been competitive, my lower body pulled me out of the running to place.

If you are not interested in the details, you may leave now. **wink**

I learned a lot today. This season in general, I made a lot of mistakes with my diet mostly, and plan to rectify those mistakes starting on Monday. I will also take the week off before the show. It was way too hard to teach, train, give massages, try not to stress, get in my workouts on zero energy, babysit my figure girls (not in a bad way...they just got a lot of my attention) be a mom and all that goes with that. I felt it was too much and I was very unfocused the last week. Since I was so far from my goal, peak week was more of a "practice run" anyway, but next year, I'll be a force to be reckoned with and will want to have better focus. (It's a very selfish time). I also learned that, although it SUCKS that Mike was TDY for the whole week and missed the show. It took me about 4 days into the week to realize that it might have been a little easier to diet hard without the spouse at home. The kids don't care to eat the same food all week (the 2 meals that I prepped on Sunday) so I never had to smell food cooking and they don't snack after 7. It's not Mike's fault. He is an endurance athlete and eats way more calories and carbs than me. But I can hear him eating potato chips from half way across town and it can irritate me when I am strung out on peak week! (Love you baby!) As for "show lessons", here are several...

1) Italian women do not follow the "no thongs allowed" rule. I was the ONLY female bodybuilder with OUT a thong.

2) Italian body building shows, apparently, allow the females to wear bejeweled suits, big jewelry, and of course... the dreaded... stripper shoes. (no need to recap this nightmare)

3) Italian woman have absolutely NO modesty. This I actually already knew, but here are the details.... So... the locker rooms were labeled "male" and "female". This I am sure of because my client Tammy is Italian. Besides Donna and Uomo are two words that I know in Italian. So we three American woman enter the woman's locker room. There stood about 6-7 Italian woman, naked (with thongs) with their MALE trainers patting them down (with their HANDS) with bronzer. Re-cap... half dozen naked woman and half dozen men in one big LADIES locker room. There was a second "space" that had open showers, but there was a door that opened that the 3 of us hid behind and quickly changed into our suits. Tammy was mortified, I was all like, 'hell no', and I think Sissy was just in shock, or maybe I was in shock because I don't remember if she said anything at all. She was the only one in the room with implants (trust me... I am MOST sure of this, as all the naked woman had tiny tater tot boobies just like mine) She might have been thinking that these women might go into shock and AWE at the sight of her Ds! (They are very flattering, Sissy... you look beautiful).

4) They did not supply any weights to pump before going on stage. I had intended on bringing a band but forgot it. LESSON LEARNED!

5) Lessons for me personally... on the front relaxed pose, I need to bring my hands/arms out more, Nair worked way better than shaving, and Karin's Island Tan solution was prettier than ProTan and only one coat. It also dried faster and felt less sticky. I'll be using that next year and promoting it to my clients. And finally... if I'm not ready to compete on show day, I'm not going to.

Now... Let's just address the stage and get that out of the way. Here I just have to talk a minute. Get this straight in your heads.... especially if you are a local friend. I DON'T THINK I'M FAT! I can walk thru the gym rockin' the spandex with confidence, and have a strong self esteem. I have LONG come to except the shape of my body and know that I will NEVER have a size 2 behind, and I'm OK with that. I like my shape. Please remember these words as I continue with the facts from the show. A body building competition is not only about muscle mass and symmetry. It's about SEEING the muscle and being lean is a big part of the game. I know you all think I look great, etc., but here is the truth. I was truly and without exaggeration too fat to compete on that stage tonight. I was out of my league and that is the truth. You can not look at the pictures or video (which will only be for MY own eyes) and tell my that I did not look fat. My upper body was competitive, although not quite as lean, definitely equal mass if not better mass that at least half the girls, but, again, because they were more lean, they LOOKED bigger because the cuts were better. My posing was confident and graceful, although is was incredibly hot on the stage! It was way hotter than my first competition. I barely broke a sweat last year! This year I was dripping before we even finished the quarter turns! But after the first round of mandatories, I was moved to the end and that is where I stayed. For those that don't know, the center is where the winners stand. You never want to be on the end.

I need to write a little blurb here. My kids and sister were sitting right in the front row, very near the judges table. Hunter kept yelling to me "I love you number 43", and the announcer let him yell that into the microphone. :-) It was so sweet, of course I about started to cry, but held on by a thread.

After the mandatories were over, we all left for a little bite to eat. (skipping ahead to shorten the story). Sissy's youngest son got sick and she had to take him to the Vicenza clinic. She was not going to make it to the night show. I had JUST watched the video that my sister had taken of the mandatory round, and I was literally feeling like I was falling into a black pit. My mood was going from pink to black and I was on the verge of tears. The kids were complaining that they wanted to leave (actually Tianna is exempt from this statement), and honestly I think Megan was bored too although she was neutral about "whatever". Tammy said, "Do you want to leave? I don't really care either way." So all these things within a 10 minute time frame and I was in the pit. At that moment, the last thing I wanted to do was get back on the stage. Although I loved the night show last year and had a great time with my routine. Even the kids enjoyed the night show last year although it did get a bit long in the tooth and we left after the body builders were done and all the "T and A" started (aka... bikini, swim suit model, Miss Fitness, etc.) So we went back to the venue, found out that the show was going to start 30 minutes later (which almost surely means 1 hour later) getting us HOME well after midnight, and to continue with the short version of the story, we left.

Of course as soon as we walked out of the building, decision made, I was regretful and a bit angry. Neither of my girls got the full experience of a show. The night show is the fun part! And not only did they NOT do their T walks, they didn't get to watch the entertaining part! The morning show is boring, even for the contestants! I felt like a quitter and that's not who I am. AND I really would have enjoyed staying just to watch the show, even if I was too much of a coward to go back on stage. (ouch.. it hurts to say it like that... but it's the truth) I'm the mom and the trainer and I could have easily said, "Suck it up buttercup. We are staying" But I was feeling bad because my kids were bored to death, Sissy was with her kids and Tammy didn't care and was desperate for a shower (so she said). I know that Sissy and Tammy were not in the top 6, so they had no potential to place, they just missed the experience.

Hence lesson #6) Next year I will drive separately, and either get a hotel, or NOT bring the kids. Leaving before the show is OVER will not be an option. Period!

There was an aweful lot of talk today about the end of the world. I can tell you this... there was judging... I FELT like I was in Hell... but I'm still here. So you will see me at the gym on Monday!

1) Side relaxed pose. 2) Abs/thigh pose. This is a hard pose for me and I always have a constipated face. I'm always trying so hard to show my better feature (the abs obviously), but trying 3 times as hard to save the weaker feature (the legs). 3) Rear Double Biceps, by far my best pose ... IF I could somehow do with without facing the rear... hmmm... Again, although the back is great, the bottom half is my absolute worst feature and standing to the rear is the worst position for the worst feature. (hence the cropping) Actually.... Kaelyn was my photographer and since she KNOWS how I don't like my legs, picture #1 is the ONLY one she took that shows my lower body. Side relaxed and side chest are the best poses to show the legs. So you really don't get to see the view that gets me all riled up. 4) finally we are all on stage, I think I had just been moved to the end and was just getting back into my front relaxed pose. It's looks like I'm not quite "there". But you can see that my competition was all pretty fierce.

Me and Tammy at lunch. Putting on a happy face.

Thursday

totals the same as yesterday.

I feel surprisingly good again today. I don't really get it. Statistically speaking I should feel pretty crappy, but my spirits are up, my energy level feels pretty normal. I taught a decent spin class and worked up a good sweat. I'm going to lay out for a while, then get a massage, talk on Skype to a book club in the states about living in Italy, then leave for the airport to pick up my sister.

That's all....

Wednesday... 3 days

Totals:

Cal: 1078

Fat: 18.3

Carbs: 65.6

Pro: 162.7

water: 1 gallon

exercise: 30 minutes empty stomach, 30 minute moderate intensity, light legs

I feel surprisingly good today. I imagine tomorrow it will hit me. I really feared the worst today since yesterday I was such a hot mess all day. But I had a fair amount of energy at the gym, gave a massage, and didn't really feel super lethargic all day today. I laid out on the trampoline for a couple hours and worked on my new workout plan that starts on Monday. I think I am more excited about that than I am about Saturday.

Today I had my waxing appointment. I have an Italian girl that does all my body work. She has been doing the cellulite mud treatments on me for about 4 weeks and she also does facials and waxing and massages... I see her every weekend and we are becoming friends. I'm getting used to the non existent modesty that Italians have (European's in general from what I've heard). There is just no being shy when it comes to body work here. I've gotten to where I just get off the table and get dressed with her in the room starting to clean up and stuff. Whatever. So $60 later, I'm as bald as a monkey's ass with a 30 minute massage to boot. When I got home, I had Tianna Nair my back and I Nair'd my stomach and tops of my legs. Everything else has been thoroughly yanked out! She did a good job tho. No plucking what-so-ever! I was very thankful! Ladies.. you know what I mean. Yyyouch!! But even after a long warm shower, my skin feel a little weird... like it's so smooth, it's sticking to my clothes. Is it weird that I just want to touch myself? hehehehe... sounds so dirty! But you know how a baby's skin in so smooth that you can just stoke it and it feels like silk? yep... and I'm sleeping alone all week. WTH? Sorry honey...

So tomorrow's diet is exactly the same as today. I get to teach spin... I'm sure that will suck, but I'll do my best. (again) I put a notice out to the gym that I'm going to stop teaching this lunch time spin class starting in June. I had 3 new clients call me today! I stack my clients on the hour and Thursday spin is 1130 to 1245. It totally jacks up my client stacking! Plus it's a volunteer class, and clients pay... hmmm... 2nd hour of cardio in one day, not paid, can fill the slot with a paying client, and make my day more efficient... not a hard choice. Plus, I'm really going to focus on building muscle for the next 8 months and don't need the extra cardio.

What else... I'm going to tell a funny story about my beautiful Italian client. On Monday, she posted to my FB wall that she hated the steel cut oats. Fair enough... hot cereal is not for everyone. I asked her if they were cooked enough? If you don't cook them right they taste kind of like undercooked pasta. She said, "You have to cook them?" Ahhh... I needed that laugh! So the next day I asked her again about her breakfast, and she informed that she still doesn't like them, but at least she is not eating kitty litter!

I better get ready for bed. Tomorrow will be long, and I'm driving to Venice airport to pick up my sister!! I'm so excited to have her come to my show, even if I'm fat. *wink* Tammy is going to ride with me since she doesn't fly in until 10pm and I'm afraid that my second day of low cal/low carb will not fair well with late night driving. It's bad enough during the DAY! AND I'm getting another massage tomorrow afternoon!! A massage can make everything better :-)

Tuesday 4 days...

Totals:

Cal: 1336

Fat: 28.7

Carbs: 145.3

Pro: 124

1.25 gallons water

exercise: Spin class, 15 min HIIT and 20 minute moderate intensity. light upper body circuit

I don't know why I felt so crappy today after yesterday "hi cal/normal carb" day, but I wasn't feeling anything but tears. I just couldn't get myself out of bed when the alarm went off at 6 for empty stomach which was going to be my "20 minute moderate". I vowed to do it at the gym. I got my upper body circuit in but it took every effort to lift my hands up to the bench press bar. I did 4 rounds of bench, tri presses, abs, pull downs, curls, abs and mil press. (light weight, 12 reps on all) Then I taught spin, which was lame at best. I barely did enough to break a sweat, yet I felt like I gave it my all. I got a text message from Mike during class cuz I forgot to turn my phone to airport mode and that made me cry. Most embarrassing. Not sure if anyone noticed. Yeah for hat day! I announced to the class that I would not be teaching kick boxing on Thursday but I would teach a spin instead. Then an employee said that she would teach a circuit class for me so I am grateful to her. I was able to drive around without any accidents but I still felt like I was 'drunk driving'.

Tammy came for her workout and she was a hot mess, crying, which made me cry too. It's just the diet. She did her workout and then we had a nice chat as we chilled on the trampoline. It was a nice relaxing afternoon and I got some paperwork done. I wasn't too hungry this afternoon, but I also sat around and did NOTHING that required energy.

Tomorrow I'm done working at the gym at 11 and I have a massage at 12:30. If I can get thru that, I'll be golden for the day. Just have to bring Kaelyn to piano/voice lessons and after that I'm getting my massage and "mud treatment" from my Italian pal, Chiara. I'm not ashamed. The mud treatment is supposed to help cellulite and although I'm not sure if I can really see the difference, the massage feels good and it makes my skin feel soft. Plus she works for pennies compared to what I'd pay for that kind of spa treatment in the states. Wanna be jealous?? ok... I pay her $30 American for the mud and massage and then she massages my back for 30 minutes. I'm generally there for 1 hour and 45 minutes!! $30 people! I know you would do it too if you had a Chiara of your own. If you are living in Italy, I MIGHT share her with you as long as you don't take my appointment time!! hehehehe... J/K! (not really!) Also, tomorrow night she is doing the ...dun, dun, dun... private property waxing.

Besides the tears that just wanted to keep on comin' today... it was pretty good day. Oh and also, I didn't do my HIIT or my 20 minutes moderate.... so I didn't complete my workouts BUT I didn't cheat on the diet!! Small victories! At this point I feel like maybe the diet is more important?? I don't know. Lisa would probably disagree and reprimand me for not getting it all in. Sorry L! Tomorrow I'll get in my empty stomach, I promise! And I plan to ride the bike at home while Tammy does her leg workout. Tammy.... make me do it!!

5 days...

6am... I'm awake but don't want to be. Have to pee again. I'm not sure but I thing that's 5 or 6 times. I don't think I pee'd this much last year. I'm definitely hungry this morning, but going to do my empty stomach cardio before I eat. I didn't get up in time to do all 30 minutes before having to monitor the kids' progress for school prep, so I'm going to do it at 7:15 after they leave.

Empty stomach cardio done.

Todays totals:

Cal: 1561

Fat: 30.5

Carbs: 163

Pro: 158.6

water: 1.25 gallons

exercise: 30 minutes empty stomach, 20 minute HIIT, 20 minute moderate intensity, light legs

8:30 I think I'm going to take a nap. Sono stanka.

Laid around until 10 and figured I better get up, eat, shower..something!

I got to eat a protein bar, which I thought would make me feel better cuz I love them! But it only took me 2 minutes to eat it and now I have to wait 3 hours before I can eat again.

I'm feeling very low and sorry for myself today. I'm very low energy, just like I figured I would be, but I can't shake this embarrassment of having to get on stage with my current body. Everyone's like, "I can't wait to see pictures!".. and I'm all like, "not if I can help it... or, upper body only." There are a lot of people from Aviano coming to the show and I wish they would all stay home! I'm so PISSED at my lack of fat loss this season that I feel like throwing up! I need to get out into the sunshine I think.

On another note. I played with the "Nair" hair removal on one shoulder to test it out. I think it worked pretty good. Last year I had a lot of hair despite my shave efforts, so this year I'm going to try to Nair instead. The only problem is that it smells like vomit. I washed twice and put smelly lotion on.

At 1:00 I get to drink a FULL MetRx packet with a scoop of Muscle Milk. It's one of my favorite snacks (besides protein bars :-) and a full packet+scoop is 400 calories so I'm looking WAY forward to it. It's one of few meals this week that is NOT chicken and veggies so it will be enjoyed! It's only 11:05....

11:20... still sitting here... For mind numbing entertainment, I went back to peak week blog from last year and I feel about the same but last year's blog was so much more entertaining! I've gotten boring in my old age. Or I just don't have the same motivation to be entertaining. I have no Lisa to inspire me, no Kate to encourage me and be my bestie friend, and not even Mike to love me and hold me up when I fall down. And now I'm crying... I miss Kate.

12:39 Had my body fat tested today. Down 2% to a whopping 23%... ugh! I'm fat! And what's worse, is that I'm NOT FAT! So for those of you "non-body builders".. please don't be all "you look great, you're not fat... blah blah blah.." Really, I know. Please remember that the "fatness" is all relative. Low body fat is part of the sport and right now I am not doing the sport proud. I'll get it next year.....

Is it time to eat yet? I still have to workout. blah...

8:06pm, my workouts are done, my food is all eaten, I've given 2.5 hours of massages, taken Kaelyn to the Dr, taken out her trash cuz her feet have blisters, paid Tianna to load the dishwasher for Hunter since he is late getting ready for bed (cuz I was doing a massage). Hunter has ring worm... will need to take him to Dr tomorrow or he will be 'banned' from school. sigh.. I'm frickin' exhausted.... Is it time for bed yet? I still have 2 more bottles of water to drink!

Peak Week 6 days

I decided to blog daily for peak week. But don't be surprised if you are not entertained. I am keeping a journal for myself so I can reference back next year if I need to.

Today:

1059.9 calories

17.5 fat

67.4 carbs

158.2 protein

1.5 gallons of water.

no exercise today but I spent all day in the kitchen

So I will confess that the last 3-4 days I have deliberately added calories to my diet. My macros are still in line, but I haven't lost any weight in 6 weeks and I'm starving myself into desperation. I figured that if I'm not going to lose weight, I might as well add a couple of calories so I can function. Last year, this time, I had very little commitments and I spent most of the week on the couch. This year is quite different and to top it off, Mike is out of town all week. So yesterday I ate extra calories in hopes to get thru the week in a little better state than I have been. (Surprisingly, I lost a pound on Saturday morning) I didn't have very much trouble with today's low calorie, but I'll probably feel the effects of the low carb tomorrow rather than today. BUT tomorrow I get to eat many of my favorite foods! I get a shake AND a protein bar AND some peanut butter! What could be better? So I'll get lots of happy food tomorrow :-)

Here are some pictures of today's food prepping.

I'm also peeing every 15 minutes from all the water today. And I still have 1 more bottle to drink before bed. Any wagers on how many times I will get up in the night? I'm guessing 3.

I feel calm and confident with my food this week after all the prepping. All my food is pre measured and ready to warm up or put right into my lunch box. With the kids' lunches and dinner made, I don't have to worry so much about my non-ability to NOT cheat. I don't have to touch or prep any food all week long! This makes me happy.

Overall, today I feel like a 4 on a 1-5 scale (5 being great). My belly is big but it's either from yesterday's calories, today's water, or my coming period. (sorry men...) Either way, I'm not worried about my poochy belly. For the most part, it's part of my body and I can tighten it up flat when I need to. It just takes thought.

Stripper shoes anyone?

I've been wanting to update my blog for over a week now and so the passion of my original "this is blog worthy" story has since passed. Who knows? Maybe the passion will come back to me as I write it out for you this morning. So there I was...

I had a couple of questions regarding the upcoming show and since the website is all in Italian, I felt it was easier just to call the organizer. I had heard rumor that the female body builders had to wear heels like the Figure Girls did, but I didn't really believe it. Body builders don't wear shoes! That was the least of my worries. I needed to know if the figure girls needed their own music (they don't), and if the judges would call hamstring pose as part of the mandatories for me (they won't ... "whew"! NOT a good pose for me!), will their be translation? (No - the calls will be in Italian), and as long as I have you on the line.... Do female body builders need to wear the clear high heels? (and this is what I heard... please listen in slow motion)... "Yyyyyyyeeeeeeesssss. For everything except your 90 second routine" (please now picture the scene with my jaw dropped, eyes wide, terror stricken!) I must now tell you that never in my LIFE have I owned a pair of 5" stiletto shoes. Even in my single college days! I guess I was always a closet athlete even tho I didn't know it until I was 32, because I have always chose comfort over fashion when it comes to shoes. ANYWAY... Skipping ahead to the part where I come out of my shocked state, then tears, and back to face reality. I got onto Amazon and ordered some immediately! I found some clear 4" and felt a little lucky with that. (lucky?...really?...)

The guy said that in the past there have been female bb's that have come from other organizations that have NOT had shoes and in that case, they have all the competitors go without. **wink** I might not "receive" my shoes on time **wink** But seriously... the projected delivery is May 31-June 3, so that is a very good possibility. PLUS, I need to be able to practice in them! I've been trying to practice posing on my toes and it's hard to keep my balance that way. But... I guess it's good for the calves :-) So, I sit and wait for my stripper shoes to come in the mail. Mike is excited. He thinks I might actually wear them! *HA*

Passionate story number 2.... So there I was....

You all know that I've been dieting hard and frustrations are ample with my lack of weight loss. Since March 7th I have only lost 5 pounds. I've had nearly perfect macros this whole time. I started with the written diet, following strictly. Nothing... Then after consulting with a figure friend whom I trust, I tried to increase my calories and add in carb cycling. I did that for about 3 weeks. Nothing... and I felt like shit for half the week. I decided to go back to just cutting calories. Nothing.... Then 2 weeks ago, I added more cardio sessions. Nothing... and last week I added even MORE cardio sessions AND watched and counted every single gram of everything. Still nothing.... (please insert Rachelle having a huge, tearful breakdown here....in fact, picture me on the track, doing sprints and bawling and panting and damn near peeing my pants... got it? ... pitiful!)

So I started to study. What am I doing wrong? Why is the fat not coming off? (BTW.. I'm not losing inches either so for those of you that a might be saying.."but you probably just gained muscle..." don't bother) (please skip ahead again to conclusion of study...)

So here's the deal... if you give a horse peanut butter it'll look like he's talkin'!

Sorry... bottom line is this. I've probably destroyed my BMR (basal metabolic rate - for those non athletes) by cutting my calories too low and probably too fast. Although I was taking in about the same calories as I did during last years diet, this year I have more muscle, I workout harder, and with my personal training schedule of about 4 hours a day plus a couple massages a week (at least), I'm sure it equals out to an additional 400 plus calories a day that I burn at the gym shifting weight plates, demonstrating exercises, doing occasional sets with my clients to keep them "up to speed" or just to help encourage them, or let them copy my form... and giving massages is probably like doing an hour of Tai Chi don't you think? And I never enter those calories into my exercise log. (sometimes I enter massages if I "need the calories" to justify eating more *wink*) SO, yes, I've been literally starving myself into diet failure. I even tried taking a thermogenic last week (I had free samples) and still on Sunday I was still at 130. I SWEAR my body just doesn't like to go under 130. It's my hardest plateau EVERY time I try to lose weight I get stuck there. After, some "scientific reading", discussion with the hubby, and much contemplation with my current comp day count down, I have come to the conclusion that I will look like THIS on stage in 2 weeks. Am I stage ready? HELL NO! ((confession... I'm still at 25% body fat)) For a body builder to get on stage with that much fat borders on embarrassing and here lies the source of my tears and breakdowns. Last year my competition was FAT. You can look at the pictures and you will agree that she had no business being on that stage. Although I still look better than her and thanks to some great teaching.. I think I am a pretty good poser. BUT, I have also looked at pictures of this coming show from last year and I'll say that these Italian women are EXTREMELY lean! Too lean, really. I think they look anorexic and stringy. I'll have more muscle BY FAR than my competition (compared to last year's pics) but I will have SO much MORE fat on my body. So, since it's an Italian show, lean-ness will likely win over muscle mass so I'm not at all expecting to do well. It is what it is at this point, I'm not going to lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm going to get on that stage only so that I can gain the experience of doing a European show so that when I AM ready and looking my best, I will have more confidence on stage and really kick some ass.

Back tracking just a little. On Saturday night, I was so low cal that when I went to bed, I was nauseous. I laid in bed sick until about 12:30 when I thought I'm going to throw up or I'm going to eat. So I ate a rice cake with some BNPB (Better-N-Peanut Butter), then went to bed and finally slept. Sunday was Mother's Day. After stepping on the scale and REALLY expecting some weight loss and seeing none, and I was extremely low energy I decided to treat myself to a mom's day breakfast and have a couple extra calories. Along with my cereal I ate one sweet potato pancake (paleo with no sugar...pretty harmless but still not on the diet). Sunday I ate 1600 calories and did not exercise at all -- OUTRAGEOUS!! . Monday, although I burned about 1200 calories, I ate a little over 1500 (more than I was eating by a couple hundred) AND I had a little bed time snack (although diet food...still after 7pm). Just out of curiosity, this morning I weighed myself expecting to see a pound gain.... 129... a pound lost. WTH? So for this last week, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and then do the same peak week diet as last year. After competition my goal is to diet as such to gain 5 pounds of muscle mass with 5 pounds of fat loss. The scale will stay the same for awhile and might even go up a pound or 2. In 2 months longer, I want to be 20% body fat and that's where I want to be during off season. I'll get on stage again with 20% but if I can keep it there all year, then next year my goal will be 14%. :-)

Of course I'll let you know how it all goes.

Happy eating friends!

"Happy" Easter!

4 weeks out... I finally lost some weight! I went from 131.4 to 128.8 this week. Whew!... I had threatened to throw my scale out the window and run over it with the car if I didn't lose weight this week! I don't know if I could have REALLY followed thru with that, so it's a good thing I met my goal.

I've passed a large stepping stone in my training...Easter. Last year, I had a BAD binge on Easter. I baked home made buns and ate about 11-teen of them WITH additional peanut butter, along with several other cheats. The day ended with tears and depression and fear that last until the end of the next week. I'm happy to report that I had NO cheats yesterday. It sure does help being paleo so I didn't have to fight the bread cravings at all. I'm also happy to report that bread cravings no longer plague me. :-) I love being paleo! On the other hand, I did have tears but not because of cheats. ... here is the story...

After church, I decided it would be a good time to take pictures. It was a sunny day and I did my hair for once. :-) I was feeling pretty good and suspected that I would be pretty happy with my progress. Unfortunately, I was not happy with the progress. I compared the pictures to last year 4 weeks out and although I'm bigger thru my upper body, I was skinnier last year thru the lower half. I think my legs look very soft and undefined. (I'm being kind to myself with this comment). The pictures made me sad and frustrated.

To make matters worse....

We were invited to have Easter fun with some friends... of course... a pot luck. (Always a bad idea for ANY dieter) I kindly declined the invite and my friend understood, but I did agree to bring my kids who are friends with her kids. When I dropped them off I was conveniently STARVING. I didn't mean to go hungry but my hunger can sneak up on me very quickly now days, and if/when I get really hungry I go into a sort of "panic". It's weird actually, but my body literally starts to go into panic mode. Heart rate rises, and I get very upset and emotional. Just the thought of "not being able to eat a that moment" makes me want to cry. SO... recap.. I'm hungry, going to pot luck, I'm hungry. When I get there, the Bubba burgers are on the grill. If you don't know what Bubba burgers are, they are probably the most delicious and most FATTENING burgers that you can buy. In the house was something baking that was so obviously full of cheese that the smell filled my entire head and that alone almost brought tears. On the counter were sugar cookies ready to be frosted by the kids, and on the table, friends were stuffing eggs with chocolate for the upcoming egg hunt. Big breath... actually... DON'T BREATHE... Unfortunately my "not breathing" talent was not at full potential yesterday. I was able to withstand the sights and smells for about 10 minutes max and I had to leave. I pretty much waved goodbye to all and practically ran to my car fighting back tears. Everyone at the party probably thought I was a real crab...or stuck up or something.

One of my Italian friends who is also training for figure, same comp as me, posted pictures on FB of her Italian Easter dinner with family... 2 appetizers, a couple of main courses, at least 2 desserts. And she sat for hours with this food in front of her and didn't eat! Honestly... my hero! There is NO WAY (based on the early pot luck episode) that I could have withstood THAT! Way to go Eleonora... she is one sexy bomb of a lady, let me tell you! I ain't got nothin' on her! I tell you that story just to remind you that looking amazing for competition doesn't come without some blood, sweat and tears... lots of tears.

So the hard dieting continues for 4 more weeks. I've decided to log my foods (as I have continued to do) and restrict my calories to my BMI plus exercise -500 calories. So if I want to eat a couple more calories, I have to do more cardio, and of course the calories will come from lean protein. That is how I lost 2.6 pounds this week. It's also the most logical in my mind. I'm still carb cycling with this calorie watching method.

Also, post competition plans have been made. Sissy and I are going to drive up for the day and drive home after the competition. Mike can't go and her husband can't either. Neither one of us wants to have a big gorge meal as we both have plans to maintain our accomplishments. But I DO have a bag of Maple Covered Peanut Clusters that I got myself for Easter. We were picking up some candy for the kids for Easter and I saw these and they jumped off the self and literally made my mouth water. That's what happened last year with the frosted animal crackers. I drooled over them for 2.5 months! At least I only have 1 month to drool and dream about the peanuts. I think I will also bring some Sesame Rice crackers, which I LOVE. Something sweet and something salty.... that will do. If I get a bad craving between now and then, I'll eat it, but I have no desire for pizza or burgers/fries or anything like that.

Here are some 4 weeks out pictures so you can see and agree with my opinion.

Paris...French Fries anyone?

I'd like to start today's blog with a piece of advice. If you are training and dieting for a competition, do NOT... I repeat... DO NOT take a trip to Paris for the first time! Sheesh! Stupid 16th birthday wish! So, yes... my oldest daughter turned 16 and we went to Paris for her birthday. After having 2 weeks of "not so great weight loss", we packed our bags and went to Paris. Great idea! I brought the TRX, a band and plenty of protein bars, rice cakes, Muscle Milk and peanut butter. We started in Milan with Mike running the Milan marathon, so we started out adventure there and I was motivated and fresh. I worked out pretty hard the first 2 days, and ate clean. We walked and shopped all day Sunday and most of Monday. We arrived in Paris Monday night and had just enough time to find our apartment and go for dinner. Our first French meal out. We were all starving. I ordered roasted chicken with fries (french fries come with everything in France apparently, and frankly, they are not as good as the fries in Italy.... weird) So I ate my chicken... and my fries.

Tuesday - A short and lame workout and breakfast in the room - perfect. Hit the train to Versailles and walked for about 4 or 5 hours. Ate a protein bar for lunch and a gluten free cookie for a snack. We ate dinner there at a "Tex Mex" place (of all things!). I had chicken fajita, no chips or dessert. The family ate "not so clean" and every one of them regretted it. I gloated.... **smile** Then we got back to Paris and did the Eiffel Tower... it was my favorite part of Paris. Truly beautiful. It was also here that I had my first French crepe. Shared... but ate most of it myself... it was amazing! I vowed that I would have another by the end of the trip. ((but I didn't))

Wednesday - I booked us a bike tour of the city. Pretty clever of me, huh? Again, shorter and lamer workout in the room before breakfast. Ate lunch with bike tour at a cafe, sandwiches only... had ham, plain... white bread. It was boring and it's been so long since I've eaten white bread that I really didn't even like it that much. There is no whole wheat bread in all of the places we went in Paris and it's the same in Italy. I have yet to find whole wheat bread at any cafe. After the bike tour we went to Notre Dame and explored the Latin Quarters. We ate dinner at a French restaurant with a fixed menu. I had French onion soup, roasted chicken (with fries) and an apple tart. It was delish! And I felt guilty... but it was DELISH!

Thursday - Euro Disney! We packed protein bars, but spent ALL DAY there and had to eat there. Let me just tell you that there is NO HEALTHY FOOD at Disney!! I didn't log any of my food that day and wrote the whole day off as a "free day". There was a slice of pizza, fried chicken and fries (no grilled options!) and a chocolate covered waffle..... I am ashamed... I did it up good that day and just hoped that 8 hours of walking would be enough to burn it all off.

Friday - The Louvre. Again with the protein bars (the last of them), but had to eat a late lunch there.... at McDonalds! Yes a McDonalds in the Louvre! I had grilled chicken salad with no dressing and NO FRIES!! It was good actually! Again, my family ate yucky and felt awful. I gloated... again. From the Louvre, we came back to the apartment, ate a healthy snack, checked out and headed to the airport. We drove from Milan, late night, required "late dinner". Mike and I had a sandwich from an AutoGrill at about 10pm with 2 hours left to drive.

I can't even tell you how anxious I was to get home to my gym, and my clean pantry food. My family was equally happy to get back to paleo eating and even the kids talked about how they felt so gross and GASSY and couldn't wait for some clean chicken and veggies! Warms my heart... truly. I went to the gym on Saturday first thing, did some extra cardio and ate clean and low calorie all weekend.

Monday morning I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I weighed in at 131.4... 1 pound heavier exactly from the Monday before vacation. So in 2 weeks time, I gained 1 pound. I seem to have lost 1/8 inch off my thighs and 1/4 inch off the rear.... 1/4 inch plus in the stomach. So there you have it. I have cut my calories on about 4 days out of the week. (the 3 days not cut are low carb days... torture enough for now) and I have increased my cardio as well. Time to get some sweat going at the gym. Well... even more sweat than before.

At this point I'd be happy to end up at 120 but that is 11 pounds in 5 weeks. A pretty hefty goal.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So after a couple weeks of slow to no weight loss and my resulting panic attack along with not having ready access to Lisa (who I am going to try to stalk down tonight in a final desperate attempt) I have come down to another BIG change in diet.

Maybe I should just let things run it's course and see what happens but ..... I am not a patient woman. I had a lengthy conversation with my new best friend, who is a beautiful and stage ready (in my opinion) figure competitor who took first place in her last competition. She asked me if I had ever tried carb cycling and I said no. Only the last week of prep when you deplete carbs for about 4 days and then "carb load" the day before competition to plump up the muscles. I begged her to spend some time with me to explain, et al... (I bribed her with a free massage... man that skill comes in HANDY!) So here's the deal...

Two days of high carb, about 2300 calories on a macro ratio of F/C/P 20/40/40%

two days of low carb, about 1400 calories on a macro ration of F/C/P 20/20/60%

This is BFF's contest prep diet starting 8 weeks out. Period. No calorie cuts. Now, listen up buttercup! Here is Rachelle's GIGANTIC problem. My calorie consumption ranges from 1100 calories on Sundays to 1750 calories on Thursdays my 3 hour workout day, and 4 days are roughly 1450 calories. I haven't eaten over 2,000 calories in one day since my post contest bingeing MONTH. And that gained me 20 pounds in 3 weeks! Do you see a concern here? I'm adding .... calculating... well... about 300 more calories per day if you average it out over the week. That's an entire extra meal per day even on the "low carb days". Plus I'm adding several grams of carbs throughout the week. Half of my brain and my mouth are thrilled about this prospect, but the other half of my brain's big concern is what will happen to my BiG @SS if I add 300 calories a day?? However comma... I will be eating primarily meat and veggies. Hmmm... sound like anything I've blogged about here recently? Maybe... can you say... PALEO? Remember how I started the diet doing paleo and I changed to "the diet" after my first week of no weight loss? But I have to say that my paleo was modified and I was eating plenty of rice cakes (and peanut butter.. but not over 20% daily fat) and other "packaged foods" and supplements. Now I will try ONLY whole foods.... lean meats (and LOTS of it!!) and veggies. Fruit is allowed but as a BB, as apposed to figure, I want to achieve vascularity. I did not really achieve this last year but striving for a little more this year. To achieve vascularity, you have to cut all sugar to thin your skin as much as possible in order to see striations and veins. Gross?? ... My kids think so. I think it shows tremendous work, sacrifice, and discipline, and these are the competitors that win. I still think I need one more year to build, but ... I guess we will see.

So why did the chicken cross the road?? I guess, so it could come over to my house and end up in my fridge!

Cluck! Cluck! Ya'll!

8 weeks out pictures

May 26, 2011

I'm still very drawn the the left side chest pose. It was my strongest pose last year and I think it still is. But here are a couple more. I'm 8 weeks out. Back/lats are coming along and arms are thicker than last year. The rear end needs to lean out and I really want to get some cuts in the legs. Hopefully I will achieve that in the 8 weeks to come. I will not likely post any more pictures until the end. :-)

Dirty mouth? ... Clean it up!

As I sit here drinking my 1/2 MetRex with 2T PB (my favorite shake of the week!) I decided that I would blog about something I did that is really embarrassing. Are you ready?

So I have this thing with peanut butter. Have you figured that out yet? If not.. you are kind of slow and should probably check to make sure your helmet is fastened securely. ((if this is your first time reading my blog, you have a "by" on the 'slow comment'... Let me get you up to speed... I love peanut butter)) My kids eat waffles for breakfast almost every morning (Van's Gluten Free) and they all enjoy peanut butter on their waffles. They get that from my side of the family. If you have children you might be able to picture what the knife looks like after they are done using it. Poor knife looks like it's been thru some kind of PB horror flick. Well, any good peanut butter lover could not POSSIBLY allow a knife covered in perfectly good PB to just go straight to the sink. There might even be a law against that. So being the law abiding citizen that I am, I always lick the knife before throwing it in the sink. Besides, a utensil covered in PB doesn't get clean in the dish washer so I'm helping in many ways. This is my morning routine. Lick the knife, sometimes the fork, and if there is a remaining bite on the plate I will usually eat that too. Call it my little daily "happy vitamin".

On Monday, the kids left for school and I was left to do a quick clean up and take my vitamin. Hunter's plate was on top of a bunch of dishes in the sink. No harm, nothing else touching it. Fork with one bite left of waffle, so I pop it in. What's that? ... What's that horrible taste? ... Spit spit spit... rinse... spit... rinse... spit...

One of the kids had washed hands before leaving and there was SOAP on the plate! It took me over an hour to get the taste out of my mouth! So kids, what did we learn from this? DON'T EAT OUT OF THE SINK! EVEN IF IT'S PEANUT BUTTER!

Now I just make sure to clean all forks and knives BEFORE they reach the sink. (At least I didn't eat out of the garbage!) So there you have my embarrassing cheat confession. I ate soap all in the name of peanut butter.

On another not so embarrassing note. Today I did pose practice with the figure girls from Aviano that are doing the competition also. They are all incredibly beautiful and have super smokin' bodies. I can say that and still be straight right? But it's true. They have all worked hard and are dieting down and it's all paying off. I'm the lone body builder of the group. I realized that I have not practiced posing for almost a year and boy did I feel it! My legs were on fire! So I have officially put pose practice into my workout schedule 3x a week. On top of that.. I see a lot of wall sits in my future. :-) Although I'm currently weighing in at 132, and have between 12 and 17 pounds to lose in the next 8 weeks, I feel strong and confident.

Ps... So did I find Waldo? Yes! I finally caught up with Lisa, and it was great catching up with an old (aka, young, hot and inspiring) friend! Thanks for the chat Lisa!

Where's Waldo? (I mean Lisa?)

Reflexions of a desperate body builder...

So you may be asking yourself, "How's Rachelle doing with training for her second competition without a trainer?" (or maybe you don't really give a crap) Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. No one is forcing you to read this blog.

It all started with a book... The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf. Enough said! Just read it yourself and you can form your own conclusions. As for us, we are going for it and have been for 2 months. I have slightly modified as I have kept my Kashi Go Lean cereal for breakfast and the occasional Toufayan (if you have never tried these, they are the awesomest tortilla in all the world--AND low carb/hi protein) "We" as a family have also "modified" the paleo to include gluten free foods like rice cakes (my favorite treat), Quinoa pasta and the number of other gluten free foods grows. The kids still eat some dairy although we switched to Silk (soy milk) which the girls both prefer and the boys and I don't really drink milk anymore at all. But the kids still eat some cheese and yogurt. But it turns out that Tianna has some lactose intolerance anyway so we have cut the food budget considerably with the, now small dairy budget. I digress. The point is.... a paleo diet is very clean - meat, veg, fruit and we added gluten free products which are all mostly made with rice/rice flour. Also you will not likely find any food in our house that has processed sugar. (besides the occasional treats for the kids) SO in all my "young wisdom" I decided to try to see how much weight I could take off for competition training by eating paleo (sans the fruit) and tracking my calories. Calories in vs. calories out - right? Things have been going well and I have lost about 6 pounds with not too much effort.

So why am I "desperate"? Well, perhaps it's too soon to panic, but I did not lose any weight last week (well, not true... I lost .2 pounds... Whoopie!.. but essentially, I didn't lose anything) So now I'm at a place where I have to lose 2 pounds a week to meet my weight goal of 115 by comp day. BUT... I've also gained some size since last year so maybe 115 is too light? I'll tell you this.... I looked at some videos of the women in last year's Italian competition and they were all smaller than me in musculature (save for maybe one that was close to my size) but they were all very very lean. I really want to lean out thru the legs and gluts this year and that darn booty just doesn't want to let go! You know, it's been a part of me my whole life.

I wish I had a trainer to tell me what to do with myself! Is 115 too little now that I've added mass? Should I continue with the paleo eating just cut the calories? Should I start adding more cardio now? or wait for another couple weeks? I think Lisa went on vacation and forgot to pack me in her bag. The nerve! I mean, really Lisa? You're just up and going to leave me alone to self destruct? **wink**

On a more positive note, my 2 figure clients are doing GREAT! One has lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks and the other has lost 2 but working her butt off to gain muscle. These 2 girls work so hard, I'm intensely proud of them both and I can guarantee that I'm going to cry like a proud mother when they are up there on that stage. So why can I be confident with them but not with myself? I guess I'll wait one more week before I hire a private investigator to track down Lisa. And then perhaps a kidnapper type person to bring her to Italy for the next 2 months. NOT TO MENTION that having a trainer makes for WAY better blogging! Don't you miss the Angel vs Devil stories? And there can only one first time tanning/waxing/shaving/painting stories.... Ahhhhh... good times.... Although I've heard some interesting stories about waxing in Italy. Stay tuned... maybe I can make a good blog for you to be entertained... for once!

A TOAST!!..... to MEAT!

As I sit here with my second glass of my favorite sweet wine, I ponder on the next 12 weeks. I have 2 clients that I'm training for their first Figure competitions and I've completed their diets and workouts for the first 3rd of the diet cycle. I was nervous enough about training myself without Lisa, but now I'm training others! At some point I would have to have my first bodybuilding client but .. already!? I have to admit that 1/2 of me is scared to death and the other 1/2 is excited and can hardly wait to start seeing changes in them! I'm sure I'll keep you updated on all of that.

So how is this Paleo diet thing going to work into my body building diet? I don't know! I'm not sure I want to eat bread. I haven't had bread for 2 months and I really don't miss it. Bread, as you may recall is one of my weaknesses... remember Easter? Can I really substitute gluten free crackers and rice cakes for ALL of the bagels and sandwich thins on my menu? I think I'm going to give it a try. I'm also going to try to eat dinner with my family. We are eating paleo together for dinner so it's meat, wild rice and veggies of some combo or another. It's really clean, very low fat, no processed anything and lots of protein. I'll give it 2 or 3 weeks to see what happens on the scale. As of this morning, I'm 136. Only 3 pounds lighter than when I started the diet last year. I was hoping for 134 (5 pounds less than last year) but I've also put on some additional muscle, so I suppose it comes out in the wash.

So diet is on the mind, and I have to tell you about a funny story about a vegetarian client of mine. She asked me for nutrition advice and because she is a vegetarian I just decided to give her the book "The Paleo Solution" to do the arguing for me. It's a great read, by the way (even tho I'm only on chapter 5, Mike has given me the 4th grade version). So she returns the book to me at the end of the weekend and says, "I agree with 98% of it. All except the part about the meat." Hmmmm... it's a PALEO diet! It's 98% ABOUT THE MEAT!! So she kind of missed the point and I had to just laugh and tell her that I hope her massive amounts of pasta get her the body that she wants and that she gets a proper amount of protein from excessive amounts of spinach! ((can I just say... YUCK!?)) I guess you can't help everyone, but in the mean time, I'm working the crap out of her and I'll do whatever I can in the gym to help her get at least half way there.

So, COME ON PEOPLE!.. don't be stupid with what you put into your mouth! (Please ignore the fact that I've had a half a bottle of wine tonight and 5 pieces (one serving) of Dove Dark Chocolate to celebrate the start of another 12 week diet.)

ARMAGEDDON!!

It feels like armageddon in the Sian house today. Mike got home from his TDY to the states and while he was there he took a sports nutrition class. I was very excited for him to teach me the things that he learned and for him to come home and take over the meal plans and cooking. (he cooks a lot normally anyway because it is my number 1 most disliked chore) let me just cut to the chase with the background of today's blog by saying that in the end, the diet that we are about to embark on is a Paleolithic one. I can safely go beyond calling this a diet and just say that I'm pretty sure this is going to be a lifestyle change.

As we were driving home from the airport and mike was telling me all the reasons and benefits for going Paleo I was shocked and amazed at how we could all still be alive right now! (( just like my generation should have all died because our mothers let us sleep on our tummies as infants and if that wasn't bad enough, we were never made to wear seat belts!)) Anyway, although giving up my coveted breads and pastas was scary, I was, for the most part, on board to try it out.

For dinner Mike made green bean "spaghetti" (sub green beans for pasta and add extra meat to the sauce) it was good and the kids liked it. Ok so far so good. Then I added the dinner to my food log and realized that 1cup of green beans only gave me 7.8g of carbs! Please tell me how I'm going to get thru 2+ hours of workouts a day on the number of carbs I will get from vegetables? "No! no!" Mike says, "You get lots of carbs from potatoes! We just didn't have any to make tonight." Ok, whew! But wait! How do I feel about eating potatoes 3x a day for the rest of my life? After my first competition I was so sick of eggs that it's now been officially 9 months since I have eaten eggs and they are still unappealing to me. And that was only a 3 month diet! So now I'm getting nervous. THEN I learn that I also can't have dairy! Giving up dairy for 3 months was one thing and I still haven't gone back to milk since I drink muscle milk on my cereal (one of my life long favorite meals BTW) ever since and I love it! But I love cheese and yogurt and so do my kids. The kids and I will keep some dairy at least for awhile.

So I finished off the last serving and a half of chips (whole wheat pita) while Mike showered yesterday. Then this morning I told the girls that if they wanted anything from the snack drawer they better pack it in their lunch today. After a full understanding of what was going to happen to the "processed" food supply in our house they proceeded to freak. It was quite entertaining actually to watch the panic as they packed an entire extra bag of fiber one bars, fruit snacks and pudding (along with an entire box of reduced fat cheese-its) into their "Feed the starving children in Africa food bank" as they were calling it. I know Mike is not going to be pleased that I allowed this to happen but they promised to ration it all and when it's gone it's gone. If a cold war happens in the next month at least we will have a secret food stash at the school. I even snuck a Fiber One bar into my bag this morning and it tasted so damn good. That's when my breakdown happened. It was my turn to freak out. After venting a bit to Jessica I felt a little better. I guess I don't handle food changes very well. The body building diet scared the crap out of me but in the end, the food was good and with the exception of a few bad moments, it was all ok. I'm sure this will be ok too. I'll tell you this however... As of today, I'm not giving up my cereal or dairy. I don't eat a lot of dairy anyway but the kids will get to keep that for now at least. That should help the home life a little. Mike also said we will be able to eat bown rice and rolled oats and we will look for gluten free bread and stuff. Maybe I can handle that. After all, I just, got a recipe book called 75 ways to love your oatmeal!!!

Got pump??

Have you ever heard body builders or muscle heads talking about getting a pump? Pump iron, get my pump on, pump up, pump-itude :-) Of course you have!! Feeling a pump is an actual thing. "What causes the pump is that blood is forced into the area by the action of the muscles and the pressure of the cardiovascular system, but there is no comparable force drawing the blood out of the muscle. Therefore, this extra blood stays in the muscle for some period of time swelling it up to a much bigger size." - Arnold S. Well... this little lady has never felt the pump before, just exhaustion... Until yesterday. I felt the pump in my shoulders yesterday and it was pretty darn cool. And, indeed, they felt and looked huge! (relatively speaking :-) I've been really excited about lifting the last couple of months and I'm pleased at the results.

Today, as I was catching a ride on Sissy's back as she buddy carried me across the gym, I couldn't help but think "I love my job". It's great to push people to work harder than they thought they could and watch the results happen. But who is going to push me when I don't think I can go harder? This week I have been very tired. I'm not sleeping well and I have to dig deep to find the energy to have a good workout. I have to consider the beginning signs of over training. As it is, I didn't run on Monday, and today was supposed to be 5 miles and I slogged out 2.2. Granted, I was limited on time with an incredibly busy day today, but still.... 8 miles on Saturday is not going to be fun at all. I sure hope Jenny can run with me. The company and accountability is an enormous help to me. In the process, my new friend is finding that she can run more than 3 miles... and with relatively little pain and agony! (unlike me, who talks her poor ear off the whole time to distract myself from my own pain and agony!!) And I've decided not to lift tomorrow between my two classes. I'm currently lifting every body part 2 times per week (except for legs - only once) so I can afford a day of rest. :-) ((that is...if you consider a 1 hour kickboxing class followed by a 45 minute spin class a "day of rest" :-))

So there you go.... Have you gotten your pump on lately?? If my little muscles can feel a pump, I know yours can too! Or run across the gym with a buddy on your back! Do an extra set of everything and leave the gym knowing that you pushed your body.

Round 2... ding... ding!

It's been several months since I've blogged. Is that how confession starts?

Here's what's new with me.

I have moved to Italy. I completed my first body building competition, took a long hiatus from the gym (and dieting), gained back 20 pounds which are sitting in my trunk just waiting for me to rev the engine back up. I started teaching almost right away at the gym here and it wasn't long before I started to get the itch. You know... the itch. When you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see, so you "itch" to make the appropriate changes. It's not always about fitness. Sometimes you yearn to learn, create and redecorate, desire to retire, etc. So I got the ball rolling on a personal training contract and then decided that it was time to start "training myself".

I have chosen my second body building competition. May 21 I'll be on stage again. This time without my trainer and mentor, Lisa. Does that freak me out? YES! I'm all on my own this time and on top of that, I have a girl training with me that is also doing her first competition, and she is counting on ME to get her there just like I counted on Lisa. I get to consult with Lisa and I desire to email her daily to confirm that what I'm doing is the right thing, but then I'd be stalking and she would send me a bill...and a restraining order. :-) I guess I have to pull up my big girl panties and drive on with what I know.

How often do you struggle with your self confidence? I was scared to death at first but I've started to see changes in my self. Physically, my lats are growing and I feel bigger and stronger than I did at the end of the first comp, and I've lost 4 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I have 16 weeks to comp day and want to start the 12 weeks out diet at 130/133. At 12 weeks last year I weighed 139 (ish). Over all I want to be 115 on comp day (compared to 119 last year). This time I SWEAR I'm going to come back the right way and stay at 130. And I'm going to keep up the blog so you can help me to stay accountable to that. Mentally, I'm gaining confidence as I see my client (let's call her Jessie) gain some muscle in her shoulders and continue to increase weight as she gets stronger and stronger. I can't wait to see her start trimming down. Her first dietary changes start in a week with the loss of dairy. Right now she is just advised on calorie and macro guidelines, and I'm watching her food intake as she enters it online. There will be plenty of dieting in the near future.

Here's the CRAZY thing. Amidst the training and the new client AND a first time figure girl that starts training with me next week.... I'm also training for a half marathon. Isn't that counterproductive? you might ask? Why YES... yes it is... Lisa told me I was crazy too but that's how I like to roll I guess. Push the boundary. So why am I building and cannibalizing at the same time? 1)) the half is in Rome... HELLO!.... ROME! And my husband and several others are going down together. It'll be a good time :-) 2)) I'm hoping to trim the legs with the extra running. I was unhappy with the lack of cuts in my legs last year, hence the extra 4-5 pound weight loss and the running. I can also eat a little more carbs with all the extra cardio :-) You all know, that's good for me! The half marathon is 9 weeks out from comp so after the half I am hoping to have my legs on track for a lean mean posing machine!

But the running is hard for sure! I am always tired because the lifting has priority. By long run day, I'm pretty pooped from the weekly workouts. I have an awesome partner to run with and we are pretty compatible although I think she could easily out run me if she had a mind too. We ran a 2 mile up hill today (sandwiched into a 6 miler) and I about died. I don't think she hardly broke a sweat, but the last mile home, I helped to keep her going. Next weekend I'm at 8 miles, it's torture every step. I'd rather do anything else besides running for cardio but I'm hoping it will all pay off in the end. I guess I'll keep you all posted.

I have to ask my clients if I can blog about them. I'm sure I will have funny stories as I laugh about their soreness and calorie depletion... oh wait... then I have to laugh at myself too! Well, I do plenty of that!

It's good to be back! Talk to you all soon!

Whacha all been up to??