Break down #1

Tomorrow is the last day of my 1st week of training and I already had my first emotional breakdown. Is that bad?

Bit of background... Thursday was "wimpy chest day" (frustrating in general). Yesterday was leg day (ok, but slightly frustrated that my shoulders weren't strong enough to support more weight). Which builds up to today. I'm a little dismayed that my legs aren't more sore and feeling unsettled that I have wasted my first week by not working hard enough. Never the less, life goes on and another workout awaits. First I get to enjoy Hunter's basketball game (he scored!!.. yeah!) at the NPS gym and so I go straight from there to start my workout. I'm freezing cold from sitting in the gym so I decided to warm up on my favorite instrument of torture... the spin bike. I start my iTouch to a good song and get my standing jog on. About halfway through the song, the thing shuffles to the next song. I have it set on the "shake to shuffle" mode because my iTouch is in a Zune case so to change the song is a process that irritates me. So apparently I'm "shaking" too much and I lose my good song. Oh well another song comes on that's good and I get through the whole thing. The 3rd song shuffled again half way through and I got a slow song... sooo.... I reach to my hip the shake it... nothing... shake again... nothing. I take it off my shorts and shake it... nothing. FINE.. I'm warmed up anyway, so I dismount the bike and in doing so, it shuffles. Really?? Whatever.

Pull ups.. yeah!... (enter sarcasm here) I can do 1.. yes 1... unassisted pull up. So I find the assist machine and off I go. Slow song... jump, nothing... jump again, nothing... remove iTouch from pants..shake, shake, shake... nothing. I take it out of the case to check the settings, yes it's on shake mode. I fast forward with the button. Back to work. Do you see where this is going?

Tbar.. ok, at least I know WHERE this machine is so I get to walk to it with confidence. I take a guess on the weight, do 10, it's ok. Add 10 lbs, little harder, add 10 more lbs, that's good. Oooohhh... a good song comes on! Just what I needed! A little dance move... just a little... Shuffle! Are your effin' kidding me!? Really?... Bleep #$$^!@#$%@.. Bleep #$!#$%^%$@.. Bleep @#$%@#$^... I'm about ready to put the bleepin' thing under the 300 pounds the guy next to me is lifting and ask him if he could kindly drop his bar right onto this iTouch! Shake it off, Rachelle...Shake it off... (do you find it funny that I should use those words right now?)

Last...Roman Chair. Aaaahhhh old faithful. I know this machine well, I know how much weight I'll be using before I even get there (a first). So I walk into to the big area, looking around, don't see it. Go back to the smaller room... nope. Back to the big room again, walk down each row to be sure I didn't miss it.. nothing. What gym doesn't have a Roman Chair? I had to have missed it. Back to the small room, no. So I decide to swallow the 1/4 ounce of pride that I have left (and I'm really stretching that), and go to the front desk to ask where the Roman Chair is. Splendid! They don't have one! Big breath in..... slow exhale..... So she shows me what piece of equipment some people use instead and I get on it, do a set... and no.. this machine does not work the lower back AT ALL! So I go into the aerobics room (my haven), get the exercise ball and do my best Roman Chair on it.

OK.. I'm done here. I'm hungry and I have to pee again, I think of Kate....

Short interjection... I have a friend who is ruled by her stomach, her bladder and her gym time (you know who you are...Kate) and I tease her a bit about it... cuz I love her. Now I totally understand! I'm trying to drink at least 80 oz of water a day and I feel like I'm drowning! I pee constantly! It's ridiculous! On top of that, I'm obsessed with protein (which I will confess that I spell wrong EVERY time I type it.. and that is often!... "i before e except after c" people! Stupid English!...) And my life is totally focused on the gym... so now I get to be just like Kate... which is good because she is hot!.. and 3x as strong as me!... I'm done here...

So finally.... I'm depleted, more mentally than physically. I was going to hop back on the bike but decide that I'm too hungry and I don't really know how much cardio I should be doing at this point, so I'm just going to go. I feel like a tool...what the hell am I doing? floundering in the gym like it's my first time EVER (which is 10x as embarrassing since I do have my PFT certification... I SHOULD be confident here!) I'm close to tears.... in the gutter... (do you feel bad for me yet? cuz I have more... ) I walk out of the gym and then suddenly?... a Christmas miracle! ... the clouds parts and I saw and ANGEL!! There walking toward me in my deepest hour of need was my trainer. "Be strong, Rachelle".. I whisper to myself. Nope.. I can't hide anything! I wear my feelings on my sleeve (and in my blog). She asked how I'm doing? A simple enough question... I was truthful (the short version), a tear did NOT actually fall but I must have looked just desperate enough for her to invite me to work out with her tomorrow.. legs again. I'm so happy to have guidance but at the same time... afraid. Maybe I need to watch "The Notebook" tonight so I can get out a good cry, so I can be fresh and ready for tomorrow's workout.

Don't worry... you'll get all the details...