I have had a lot of social functions this week. I posted this question on Facebook a few days ago.... "Food for thought".... Can you be social and skinny at the same time? And by this I don't mean your "natural" weight. Most women want to lose at least 5 pounds, but their bodies like to stay at 'such and such' weight. So if you want to be that 5 pounds thinner, can you be social and go to social events? We all know that social events almost ALWAYS involve food. "Let's go to lunch!", the neighborhood BBQ or block party, end of the season pot lucks for piano, sports, classes, scouts, clubs. Then we have several friends that are also PCSing soon, so we say, "let's get together for dinner!" "Let's have a girls' night out! Wine tasting and dinner/drinks"..... Are you following? If not... then you need to find some friends and live a little! OK.. so this week alone, I had boy scout ice cream social (which Mike went to), breakfast with a girlfriend (after we worked out, of course), my last NPS class which I brought apple Fiber One muffins with protein powder (healthy but added unscheduled calories to my day), a pot luck for massage lab, wine tasting and dinner with "the girls", 'going away' dinner with friends last night, neighborhood block party tonight. There are 2 more scheduled for next week but both on Friday. And then Sunday we leave for vacation for 2 weeks! I'm hoping that it won't be too hard to eat healthy--mostly... but I won't be able to count the calories.
Anyway, the responses to my FB post were some like, "eat small portions", "plan for the extra calories by cutting calories earlier in the day", "workout more on those days", and one answered "NO". I have to agree with the last person. When I was 137 pounds, I could eat anything I wanted in any quantity and not gain weight. The scale might fluctuate, give or take, 2 pounds but I never had to worry about it. God made me a comfortable 137... my given natural weight. THEN the "diet" happened, I lost 18 pounds, looked great, felt great and trying to only come back half way. Well... guess what?... my body wants to go back to 137! My goal was to stay under 130 and I really have to fight to stay there. So can I have friends and meet my goal? I just really don't know. So far it's not really working out. I hit 130 this weekend. It's no surprise with the amount of social stuff this week. It's been unusually busy. I think I've done PRETTY well at portion control. But when people bring food to a pot luck, they bring the best tasting recipes that they have! You know... the ones with lots of butter and real sugar and lots of cheese.... they don't bring rice cakes, protein brownies, or vegetable cookies! (I do have a zucchini cookie recipe that is delish! But if you want them to be good, you still have to ad sugar!..no butter tho). So even if you portion control, you are still eating a lot of extra fat and sugar than you normally would have. So you say... well, just don't eat it! SURE!... That's just an EASY thing to do!! (yeah right!)... and the other option would be... don't go. Then you have ask... how much do I like having friends? Listen, when I was training, I was almost exclusively antisocial for over 3 months. My friends would invite me and I'd say no because the temptation was too great and it made me crabby to not be able to eat all the tasty foods that were out. So after awhile my friends stopped inviting me. I started feeling left out...which made me ... CRABBY! There is no way to win people! If I had better will power, I could go to parties and not eat.. but I don't have it. I don't think I ever will. Although I think I will get better and better about portioning. I've already gotten a little better with my control. But other things are coming out, that I am having to deal with and it's not as easy as just "not eating it". I went through some bulimia issues in high school. To make a long story short... I don't think I ever quit bingeing. I just quit purging and started exercising. I never even realized that I was bingeing until now that I have the freedom to eat again, and I'm counting the calories. Now, when I have a "bad moment", I feel like I've totally screwed my day, and I'll be like.. "well I might as well screw it big today and I'll just start over tomorrow". The good thing is that I have recognized this as a problem and I'm trying to work it out. It's gotten better! I go back to conversations with Lisa and Kate, and try to coach myself through those moments. "This food is going to be here tomorrow" "You don't have to eat it all now, you can have this anytime you want some"...etc. I really am getting better, but I have a ways to go. Things like this take time and patience. I get frustrated with myself and this is where Kate comes in. It's time to confess that Lisa is no longer in my life. She felt like she was too invested in my success/failure after the competition and because of my repeated food failures (which I repeatedly confessed to her) she felt that she was wasting her time with me and I haven't talked to her since 1 week after the competition. I was crushed, of course. It's almost like I went thru the 5 stages of grieving. Anger held on the longest, but then I started to realize that I had put her up so high on a pedestal and had unrealistic expectations of what she could (and would) do for me. I think we both made a mistake. She was too invested in me, and I didn't rise up to her expectations and I relied too heavily on her and she didn't hold up to mine. I let her down, and she left me. I think we both lost.. I lost a trainer and mentor and she lost a friend. In the end, I've had to learn more from myself and have talked a lot with Kate about food issues, as we both have similar problems. It helps to have someone to talk to that understands the difficulties. It's not as easy as "just don't eat it", which is what Lisa wanted from me. I felt like such a failure because I couldn't just "not eat it". Why can't I be like her, and just not "effing" eat it?? And because of that, I lost my trainer and someone I thought was my friend. (another mistake on my part). Friends will stick by you even when you fail continuously, trainers will fire you when you waste their time. I can't say that I really blame her, honestly. I wanted to be her friend but was still a client. I will have to be wary of that when I start picking up my own clients. There is a fine line there, and I do have a tendency to want to be friends. Our different personalities will make us very different trainers but it's still something to keep in mind. In the end, I still learned a TREMENDOUS amount of stuff from Lisa and she made me into a body builder which has changed my life.... the way I look, workout, the way I think and eat. I'll always be grateful for knowing her.
... And that's all I have to say about that.
I'll probably blog again after my vacation to let you know how it went.
Wow. Lots of points to focus on, but I'm going to target one. Why does weight matter?
ReplyDeleteWeight, to me as a personal trainer, does not reflect in any way athleticism or functional ability. It's an artificial measurement drilled into our brains from birth. Women always want to lose 5 lbs, you say. You're right, but do they really?
My counter-proposal is this: I think everyone who wants to be in better shape either wants to LOOK better (i.e. lower body fat), or PERFORM better (i.e. more strength). Neither one of those directly reflects weight. Sure, you may gain or lose weight as you gain muscle or lose body fat, but it's not the measurement you should be caring about. Instead, focus on body fat percentage, or waist measurement, or arm circumference, or pants size. THOSE are the things you actually want to change, not your weight.
As a personal trainer, when I meet with someone for the first time, I try (not always successfully) to convince them to put their scale in the closet. We'll do some taping, or focus on fitting into that pair of jeans they want to wear. But WEIGHT doesn't matter at all.
Now. I realize as I'm writing this that in terms of some sports, particularly wrestling, or jiu jitsu, have weight divisions, and yes, I have to worry about my weight because of this. But it's not an "in shape" thing, it's a competitive measurement that tries to ensure technique, not massive size advantages, prevail in a fight. That said, even in bodybuilding (correct me if I'm wrong), they use "short, medium, and tall" as opposed to weight, don't they?
Anyway, you have a lot of fantastic points, as usual, but for me, I would tell you to stop with the scale. You're obsessing over something that doesn't matter. Worry about your waist size, your bench press, or your self-perception in the mirror, none of which depend on the scale.
Just my $.02. Have fun on vacation!
Yay you wrote a blog, and a good one as always. It was just what I needed tonight seeing how I just ate 2 cups of nuts. I couldn't put the damn things down. I started with a few and then was like screw it, I'm going to eat as much as I want and well since I binged on that I might as well throw a few cookies in there ( not the oatmeal ones though, I ate 4 after the potluck that night and they were long gone). I like what Dev said. I must agree, that the scale shouldn't matter. However, I don't really use the scale, I just have times where I feel fat and that makes me feel out of control, which then leads to major eating issues. I do good all day and then the gosh darn sun goes down and so does my logically thinking. Grrr. Life is crazy. However, it's great to have a friend to go through the crazyness with. You have been an amazing friend and confidant for me. I am so lucky to have you in my life. Food will always be in our life, but it's our choice to make it a struggle or not :)
ReplyDeleteDev... Love your $.02 as always. I agree! I have to say that my weight on the scale reflects my waste measurement directly! I don't need to obsess about it. I just don't want to suddenly find that my entire wardrobe no longer fits. It's really can sneak up. :-)
ReplyDeleteKate... I love your last sentence! Let's choose not to struggle!